American Print Media Obsessed

26 Jan

I have no right to be a critic.  I am under skilled and over (or is that overly?) opinionated; however, my love for print media sometimes leaves me longing.

America obsesses with cutting fat and self-help.  Don’t worry ladies, I’m not even hinting at cutting out chocolate and potato chips.  I’m talking about fat in writing.

I’ve sat through all the college classes that taught me to cut unnecessary words (obviously I pay no mind to those rules) and eliminate ‘fat’ from our articles.  Heaven forbid our story is a size 14 instead of a size 4.

Most editors would die of fright if they were assigned my blog or yours.  They like neat little concise gifts of journalism in 500 words or less.

We’re losing something.  As we cut fat, slivers of meat follow.  Suddenly our writing is skin and bones, absolutely boring to look at and tiring to read.

Magazines are filled with countless self-help articles.

How My Woodstove Ruined My Nails in 300 Words

Help Johnny Overcome His Fear of The Toilet in 5 Flushes

10 Ways to Say I Love You, but I Hate Your Dog

Be Bikini Ready in Time for Your Grave

Don’t even tell me you only read Christian literature, because it’s just as bad.

Knowing God’s Will in Ninety Days

7 Ways to Raise Kids Who Will Attend Church

12 Envelopes to Financial Freedom

How To Masquerade as a Proverbs 31 Woman in 31 Days

We’re obsessed with these heartless, but neatly wrapped articles that help us do everything from birth a baby in a bathtub to walk the streets of gold in stilettos.

Is anyone else tired of reading this gibberish?

Maybe it’s just me.  I kind of long for the days when slighty wordy short stories, written by aspiring writers, appeared in monthly magazines.  I’d like for people to stop fixing me and start entertaining me with words, or challenging my depth of knowledge without planning my next 10, 30, or 90 days.

I honestly do not think most magazines are worth the $4.95 we are asked to pay for them.

Don’t even get me started on newspapers!

I’m always amazed when I read an article, glom all kinds of superficial facts and have no idea what is really going on or why the article was written in the first place.

Most of our print news media is self-help or tabloid, and I include CNN in that tabloid lot.  Take a gander at the headlines.

Come to think of it, I should have written this article in the format of -

8 Ways The Media Failed Me and My Fat

Alas, my rant is over in less than 500 words.  My editor will be pleased.

Thoughts and comments welcome, as long as they are in 3 Easy Steps or Less. ;-)

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Just so you know I didn’t jump off a bridge…

25 Jan

Ok, last post was pretty depressing.  Sorry about that.  I’m taking full liberty with my calendar and blaming it on January, but I have birthday party for my son this weekend and there’s no time to be sad and moody.

This may be the most random post in the history of the fringe, but work with me people.  The last post had me giving up on life.  This has to be an improvement.

*  I’ve discovered the cure for stomach problems that have plagued me for years.  I have what they term IBS.  I won’t get into it, because it would be like discussions around a holiday table with my family.

Just know that heartburn and other issues plague me, no matter what I eat; however, I started a diet on January 2.  Don’t get excited, because I’ve only lost 4 pounds.  You can tell I cheat a lot.

image via Pinterest

My point is that on the days I’m on my diet, I eat about 6 times throughout the course of the day, but I only consume about 1400-1500 calories.  That means I eat really low-calorie, but filling things in small portions.  It totally cures my stomach ills.  The moment I over-eat or just eat 3 normal size portions, I’m sick.  It’s incredible.

Who knew I would have to become a bird after I turned thirty.  No one told me!

image via Pinterest

* I really am trying to stick to my diet, but it’s hard.  You know?  I’m more like a turkey than I am a parakeet.  FringeMan wishes I was more of a love bird, but that’s another story.

* I’m thinking all “love” posts for February.  Now don’t get panicky and jump ship (no offense Mr. Italian Captain), because I’m not going mushy for a whole month.  There’s lots to love in this world, and I’m trying to tap my elusive creative side.

* I’ve decided that I want a really cute new pair of shoes and a new bag for my birthday.  My birthday is in February, but I’ll probably shop in April or so.  That’s what happens when your birthday is after Christmas and both your children’s birthdays.  It’s all good with me though.  I think it prolongs the aging process.  I gain a few months, because a birthday isn’t a birthday until you’ve bought yourself a present.

Someone needs to write that down and claim it.

*  I don’t know where to shop for cute shoes and a bag.  I’m looking for stylin’, groovin’, chic, classy, comfortable, cute, trendy shoes.  I’m thinking Anthropologie on a Payless budget.

Help a girl out.  Suggest a few places please.

I know Payless has some cute shoes.  I’ve seen them on bloggers, but my Payless pretty much specializes in sneakers and lame-oh shoes.  Sorry Payless.  I know you purchase especially for the clientele you sell to, but there are a few of us who don’t where our pajamas grocery shopping.

Maybe that was mean, but I’ve taken to counting how many people I see in pj’s in Wal-Mart.  Is that snobby of me?

I simply have a difficult time understanding why people want to be seen in public looking like that.  I hide from mirrors in my own home when I look like that.

* I bought a box of ‘Cuties’ at the grocery store today.  Everyone’s been raving about them.  So far they live up to their name, but I haven’t eaten one yet.  I’ll let you know.

Now it’s your turn – What’s the random in your life?

And, don’t tell me if you wear pajamas to the grocery store.

Ok, you can tell me, but I’m adding another check mark to my list and you’ll end up in my total number of pj wearers.  Just a warning. ;-)

Thank you all for your kind comments yesterday.  I appreciate each of you.

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Focusing on the Positives

24 Jan

My life is crumbling to teeny-tiny pieces around me, and I made waffles for dinner last night.

Ok, so maybe I’m exaggerating, but I did make waffles last night and they weren’t even that good.  I ran out of white flour and used all whole wheat.  I like to split my flour, half white and half whole wheat; otherwise, I think they are too dense.

Sorry all you healthy eating people, but I’m just not that good of a mom.  I continue to give my children white flour, knowing full well it is a simple carb.

Tie me to the simple woman stake and burn me.

I bet you can’t tell I’m trying to focus on the positive side of things.

No, I didn’t think you could, but I am.

That’s why I haven’t been writing anything on this here blog.  My mama always said, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

I am silent.

For how long, I know not.  I may continue my vow of silence until the sun shines again or my hormones go on an upswing.  It’s hard to tell.

In the meantime, I wish you all well.  Live fully and don’t eat too much white flour.  I hear it’s bad for you. ;-)

Love you all,

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Brownie Pops for January’s Germs

20 Jan

Since February is the month of love, January must be the month of germs.  Viruses are tearing through our home faster than I can call in sick for my kids.  When the nurse from my daughter’s school called this morning to say she had thrown-up and needed to go home, I almost cried.

The only place I’ve been in weeks is the doctor’s office and the post office.  Tonight was going to be a date night.  A church in a nearby town was hosting ‘Parent’s Night Out’, and FringeMan and I had a gift card to a local burger joint.

Going out tonight is the carrot I dangled in front of my nose all week long.

I guess I don’t really like carrots anyway.

I do like cake pops though.

Last week when we were going to the cancer center to visit my uncle, I made a batch of brownie cake pops for my aunt.  My uncle cannot eat, but I though she would enjoy a treat.

Here’s how I made them…

Ingredients:

1 box brownie mix

1 tub chocolate frosting

1-2 bags melting candy chips

Cake pop sticks

Instructions:

Prepare brownies according to box.  Bake and let cool.  Crumble up the entire pan of brownies in a large bowl.  Really dig in and use your fingers and pulverize the brownies.  Add 3/4 can of frosting and mix thoroughly.  Shape into balls and refrigerate for about 30 minutes.  Melt candy pieces in the microwave.  Dip stick into candy and then into the center of the brownie ball (be sure not to make the brownie balls too large because they are heavy and will fall off the stick).  Coat entire brownie ball in melted candy and let dry.

Pop these guys into the fridge for a day or two and then enjoy.  They taste better after they’ve sat for a day or two.

I thought they’d be good for Valentine’s Day with a red candy coating and maybe a little candy heart sprinkle on them.

Hope you all enjoy a great weekend!

 

 

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Grump to Queen in One Wet Day

18 Jan

I was grumpy yesterday.  That’s all there is to it.

The day began with snow, progressed to rain, and ended with hurricane force winds.  It was not a fun day.

Every drop of rain mixed with the snow on the ground and turned into ice. On the roads, it was a slippery slush.  Normally I would stay in my pajamas on days like this and hide in the bathroom from visitors, but yesterday, I went out.

I went to buy a card for my uncle and mail the cards and pictures my children made him.

Driving in the slush made me frown.

Buying a card that said something like, “sometimes life hands you a lemon….then a rake scratches across your butt and someone pours lemon juice all over it…” made me smile.  It’s the perfect card for my uncle.  I haven’t seen anything more encouraging.

Walking a block and half through snow, sleet, and sludge to the post office, because snow piles take up most parking spaces made me mad.

And, shoveling/scraping my porch, front steps, and sidewalk made me wish I lived south of the border.

I was so out of sorts with the bottom six inches of my jeans soaked through, I took the kids to McDonald’s for dinner.  I simply could not face my stove last night.

When we got home and I changed into my fury pink robe and sat at my kitchen island ready to succumb to vitamin D deprivation, my daughter put her arms around me and said, “It’s ok mom.  We all have a bad day sometimes.”

Somehow God saw fit to bless me with a child whose cup is always filled to overflowing.  She doesn’t have bad days.  She always sees the bright side and convinces everyone around her that there is good in the world, even when she gets a 71% on her Math test.  It’s incredible.  I want her filled up cup and goodwill toward men and snow.

By golly, she makes smiley faces out of her breakfast!

With boogers running out of Smiley's nose, she said.

By the time the chairs on my porch blew into the road and my blue ‘recycle’ trash can disappeared from the neighborhood on the wings of a snowy tornado wind, I clopped up the stairs to bed, and found this on my pillow.

My cup is full.

My heart overflows.

I may be a queen in her eyes, but she is the most beautiful princess to walk the earth in my eyes.

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Hoping on a Monday

16 Jan

I’m saying Good Morning to Monday with Lisa Leonard and praying that this week will be better than the last.  I wish I had photos to share, but if I did, they would be of tissues and blankets.   Despite the flu shot my doctor insisted I get because of my asthma, I spent a week cuddled up with a fever and cough, also known as the flu.

So while I’m saying Good Morning to Monday, I’m saying good-bye to the flu and hoping it doesn’t return anytime soon.  I’m also willing myself to feel better, even though I kinda do not.  Just don’t tell anyone I do not feel better.  It’s our secret.

I also shared with my son.  That’s a mom fail.  Sorry FringeBoy.

On this Monday, I am also praying for my Uncle Wayne, aka Wayne The Pain.  If you think of him at all, please pray for physical strength to make it through treatments, mental strength to keep fighting, and encouragement for his spirit.  I know he and everyone in my family will be very grateful for every prayer said.

via Pinterest

If I hadn’t gotten sick this week, we were going to visit him in the Hope Lodge.  I made around 4-500 cookies and we have collected bags of donations for the Hope Lodge.  My uncle cannot eat anything.  He has throat cancer, and no, he never did smoke.  He asked me to bake cookies though, for everyone else.  He thought it would help cheer them up.  So I baked, and my aunt traveled up from Georgia, and then I got the flu.  My timing really sucks.  And I reserve the word “sucks” for only the worst of times.

So, good morning to Monday, a new week with new possibilities and a fresh hope.

Romans 5:1-5  Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

When it says that the love of God is “shed abroad” in our hearts, that means poured out.  Don’t lose hope on this new Monday in the beginning of this new year.  God wants to pour his love all over your heart.

Good morning Monday.

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A New Year, A New Clean, A New Kinda Crazy

6 Jan

My aunt is coming next week and I’m super-excited.  It’s actually been a couple of years since I’ve seen her and this is the first time she’ll be to my house since my daughter was three.  That’s a long time ago baby.

It’s not that she hates my house…well, maybe she does, but that’s not the point.  Since she has a nice big house with lots of extra rooms and a pantry filled with snacks, we usually go to her house.  Plus, she lives in the sunny, warm place called Georgia.  Also known as the strip mall capital of the world.

But this time, she’s coming to my house.  One word for you people – CLEANING.

Aparently I don’t do it enough.  I tend to read blogs and write posts in my spare time, when in fact, I should be cleaning.  I just discovered I have a dust bunny farm in my bedroom.  It’s like I’m raising them for sale at the farmer’s market.

I’ve had three days of sweeping, mopping, swiping, chucking, scrubbing, spraying, and organizing.  I’m ready to embrace my lazy side once again.  Life shouldn’t be lived with a dust rag hanging off your belt.  I smell like lavender all purpose cleaner and although it’s a pretty purple color, it’s not exactly par-fume.

Did I mention I’ve been dieting these past five days?  I have.  I would say I could eat a horse, but I only have plastic horses in the house and they don’t have enough calories to fulfill my cravings.

You know what I realized yesterday?

Every single time I walk into a gas station or convience store, thousands of seductive calories claw at my arms and legs.  They captivate my eyes and make me drool on my gloves a little.  It’s true.  When did gas stations  go from filling your car to filling your internal desires to eat everything under the sun as long as it’s drizzled with a little chocolate?

That’s what I want to know.

In between my hundred calorie cream of wheat and my glass of flavorless water, I organized my son’s Legos.  It’s a projected he’s wanted to do for a long time, but we put if off.  Mainly because organizers costs twenty-bucks a pop and he needed a few; however, he got some Christmas money.  Although I think it may push the nerdy line a little, he spent his Christmas money on organizers.  Four to be exact.

If I didn’t help him, it would take him the next six months to seperate bricks.  I don’t have six months.  I need a clean house by Monday!

I used a day and half (believe me it took that long) of my life sorting Legos.  Not how I imagined my new year would begin, but I can now seperate a Lego from a cheap imposter on feel alone.  It’s like the skills bankers have for detecting bogus money, only in my house it’s Legos.  If you bring counterfit building bricks to my house, you could face up to five years in jail.

And if my kid ever dumps all those little bins onto the floor, someone may have to restrain me.  A day and half of my life people!

Then I made playdo with FringeKid.  Yes, I think it’s infinitely easier to go and buy a little container of cool smelling colored dough, but after a day on the floor with red, green, blue, yellow, gray, and black bricks, I wasn’t changing out of my pajamas.

Despite recent fashion trends, I don’t go shopping in my pajamas.

Just thought I just share.

I made a dinosaur embryo with my playdo.  Don’t judge my creativity people.  I lost half my brain to 1/2 inch toy bricks.

Wish me luck on my home overhaul.  If you don’t hear from me by Monday, send Mr. Clean.

Thanks.

P.S. Please excuse the wretched photography.  I would like to blame one of the kids, but it was me.

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2012: Six Things on my New To-DO List

3 Jan

So, it’s 2012.  I’m having a touch of difficulty wrapping my mind around our new year.  Wasn’t it was just 2000?  I mean, could it have been that long ago?

I’m sure a few people still have canned corn and ammunition tucked away in their basement.  On the eve of the last end of the world, I was too pregnant to care about computers crashing and people looting for food.  All that fighting for survival seemed easier than finishing my last seven weeks of pregnancy.

It just seems like twelve years ago was yesterday…makes me feel like I’ll be turning ninety in February instead of my usual twenty-nine.

Truth be told, and I’m a blogger who emotionally dumps words on a page, I was feeling pretty bummed about 2011.  I just didn’t feel like I accomplished enough in a year.  After all, these years are fleeting, and I’m almost ninety!

I may have wallowed in unaccomplished despair and self-pity for a hour minute or two on New Year’s Eve, but I got an attitude adjustment when I read Edie’s blog the other night.  She said, “God has given me everything I could possibly need in His son.  I am forgiven and blessed with the every good gift from the Father.  The rest  is icing on the cake.”

Did you hear that?

Everything I didn’t do last year or didn’t ‘get’ to do is only icing on the cake anyway.  I have everything I could possibly need already.  And here’s the bonus – I love cake and icing!  It’s great when I get to enjoy the bonus stuff, but I’ve got nothing to worry about when I don’t.

For the record, I have sworn off both icing and cake, and cookies, chips, soda, anything good and tasty, etc.  I will shed a few pounds this new year.  Hopefully twenty-five, but I’m realistic.  I’ll be happy with ten.

Did you make an resolutions?

The word “resolution” sounds all important and bona-fide, doesn’t it?

I’m not really making any resolutions this year, because let’s face it, in my house resolution means lie.  I never keep long-term resolutions.  I am refocusing myself on some goals though.

1.  I need to finish a book.  I have 30,000 words written on one book and 20,000 on another.  One of those books needs to make it to 50-60,000 words in 2012.  It’s a must do, even if just for myself.  So I know I can.

2.  I need to get more exercise, meaning I need to play Wii dance with my daughter more often.  You’d be surprised how much the beach boys and Katy Perry’s Hot and Cold make you move.  I just have to remember to close the curtains before we get started.  Once, I shocked the mailman a little, and not in a good way.

3.  I want to learn Zentangle.  Cathy wrote about it and now I can’t get it out of my head.  I think it would be so much for FringeKid and I to do on girl’s night.  I mean, doodling with purpose?  I’m there.  You should’ve seen my college notes and don’t even get me started on church bulletins.  I could totally rock this art form, because I’ve had mega amounts of experience.

4.  I want to do more new things this year, have more experiences.  I know it’s kind of vague, but I’m still working out my thoughts.  I just want to have lots of good memories to think about when I’m old and fully gray.  Before I lose my mind, that is.

5.  I want to spend more time having fun with my kids.  I mean, they will be teenagers soon and from what I’ve heard, that’s worse than them catching the bubonic plague.  Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day that I forget to have fun.

6.  I want to be thankful.  For all things.  Everyday.  I want thankfulness to become my default.

That’s it.  That’s enough for January.  Maybe I’ll revamp my list in July.

What about you?  What do you want out of 2012?

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2011 in Review: Something from Every Category

1 Jan

Happy New Year!

I hope you all had a smashing New Year’s Eve.  The FringeFamily rocked a mega-long Lego game and watched the ball drop online, because we currently don’t have cable and we don’t get a lick of reception at our house.  We did give reception our best shot though.  Just ask FringeMan.  Three hours, two digital antennas, and several bad word thoughts later, we still had no reception.

It’s all good though, because I killed more 1/2 inch block zombies than anyone else.  You should have seen the dead men totum poles I made.  I mounted them onto the monster bridge that connected two of the Lego paths to nowhere.  It was kind of like a tribute to the London Bridge, but with full bodies, not just heads.

Now if that isn’t a smashing New Year’s Eve, I don’t know what is.

Since it’s 2012 and I’m not ready to talk about resolutions (because at midnight last night I told FringeMan my resolution is to try the taco shop I see advertised all over, and that’s not really a good resolution), I’m opting for a year in review.  Don’t worry, I won’t go month-by-neverending-long-month like last year.  I’ll simply highlight one or two posts for each category.

Food

The Most Amazing Recipe – aka Focaccia Bread

This recipe is not only super-easy, but it will make you look like you actually know how to cook.  It’s all smoke and mirrors and onions and garlic.

Mrs. Claus’s Black-Eyed Peas

In places like Louisiana they are eaten on New Year’s Day, because tradition has it that they bring good luck for the new year.  Who needs good luck if you have victory in Jesus?  But, I like the tradition and I have a crock-pot full of black-eyed peas cooking today.

Family

In March I learned when the telephone rings, the world is a good and happy place – wrongs are righted, arguments cease, and tears dry.

I also learned a few other amusing lessons from my mama, namely never threaten your children, even in jest, because the proof will always come back to haunt you.

This year one of my dreams also came true.

Yes, I tied my son to a pole, but it’s all good with social services.  I promise.

Life

Date Night on The Fringe

My daughter helped me get ready for this big date by insulting me repeatedly.  Ok, maybe she had cause, but she’s one to talk!

This one of her tamer outfits.  After all, she doesn’t even have a stuffed animal on her head.

We were Attacked by a Nutter-Butter Eating vampire mouse.

And although I may have said that My Husband Didn’t Marry an Ax Murderer, maybe he should have.

The start of last year brought on a vicious mouse attack, but we survived.

Guest Bloggers

The Domestic Fringe had some pretty awesome guest bloggers in 2011.  I’ll just list a few stars (and they were all stars, believe me!) – Jeannie Oliver, Flower Patch Farmgirl, Meg from Whatever, and Emily from Remodeling This Life.

You really must browse through my guest blogger category.  There are great recipes (from people who know how to cook), fashion advice, stories about chicken voodoo, and so much more.

After a teaser that includes chicken voodoo, I know you’re all clicking the link as quickly as your finger will allow.

NOT!

Homeschooling

My son and I had a conversation Where I Ended Up In Jail.

And I threw in the towel on homeschooling.  Yes, my kids are back in public school and we are all amazingly happy with that decision.

Passions

In 2011, I began making, bottling, and selling Fringe Vanilla, the extract that will change your life.

There was my $10 lamp makeover.

It’s the only thing I’ve ever had “pinned” to Pinterest and so, I’m pretty proud.

We also gave FringeKid’s room a little facelift.

It was so much fun to do.  I love changing things up!

Faith

I wondered if our children see Love in The Church.

I had a meeting with An Angelic Serial Killer.

I also made A Plea to The Church.  I had more personal emails from this one post than I had from any of the other of the almost 800 posts I’ve written.

———————————————

So that’s a quick review of 2011.  I hope this New Year is filled with blessings, hope, health, and love.  Happy New Year friends!

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How to Make a Cake Pop in 6 Simple Steps

30 Dec

A few of you wanted to know how I made the cake pops for FringeKid’s birthday, so I decided to give you the recipe with directions.  They are so easy I couldn’t even mess them up, and I haven’t been having such a great cooking week.

Ingredients:

1 box cake mix

1 can frosting

1-2 bags colored melting chips (sold in the craft/baking section of your super center or craft store)

Sprinkles

sticks (sold with the melting chips)

1 styrofoam block

Directions:

1.  Prepare the cake according to recipe on box.  Bake.  Let cool and crumble into a bowl in teeny-tiny pieces.

2.  Add 3/4 can frosting.  Mix thoroughly.  It will be a mushy mess and that’s good.

3.  Roll into little balls (you can use a melon baller if you want) with your hands and lay them all on a cookie sheet.  After the cookie sheet is full, pop it in the fridge for about 20 minutes until the cake balls are cold.

4.  Stick your melting chocolate in the microwave for about a minute.  Melt in small batches, because it hardens quickly.

5.  After the chips are melted, dip your stick into the chocolate and then insert in a cake ball.  You use the chocolate like glue.  Then cover the entire cake ball in melted chocolate.  I used a spoon and I dipped the ball.

It’s important that there aren’t any open spots or cracks.  You can use a toothpick to cover any cracks.  If you have a pinhole or crack the pressure will make the cake “poop” out.  It’s not pretty.  The last thing you want is a pooping pop.

6.  Add a few sprinkles to the top and you’re done.  It’s easy!

Now if you’re uber talented, you can buy the Bakerella cookbook and turn these pops into little critters with fancy painted faces.  I’m a simple (read not-so-talented) kinda girl, so little cake balls with sprinkles are fain-cy for me.

Everybody will love them, I promise!

I couldn’t have made these pops without phone counseling from my sister-in-law.  She does amazing things with butter and sugar.  Every Christmas FringeMan reminds how good her sugar cookies are and how not-so-hot my sugar cookies turn out.  I just can’t replicate her cookies.  She’s good, I tell ya.

Just be warned – once you start eating these, you won’t want to stop.  You will get a bad case of caloric love.  Don’t blame me!

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