telling stories - making memories

You are here: Home / 2009 / Archives for May 2009

Archives for May 2009

Recession End In Sight

The financial powers that be, whomever they may be, have announced that there is a green-backed light at the end of the tunnel.

Recession Ends By Year End

Since they proclaimed it, we believe it despite the fact that 8.6% of people are currently unemployed in the United States.

I guess they won’t find themselves doing any of the things on my “I’m so poor, I…” list, but I’ll share my list with you just incase the recession stretches a little longer than expected.

I’m so poor, I….

1.  rinse my cotton balls and hang them out to dry after removing my makeup.

2. beg my daughter to bring home her paper lunch bag so I can reuse it.  After she tells me it’s against the rules, I send a note to her environmentally friendly teacher telling her I’m starting a new recycling project and I NEED THAT PAPER BAG!

3.  use one scoop of iced-tea mix for every two quarts of water, making a drink that looks like I caught rain water from my rusty gutter.

4.  make every member of my family share one paper towel at dinner.

5. get excited when churches have pot-lucks.  I eat out of their pot and use my luck to hope nobody notices that I came empty handed and walked out with the leftovers.

6.  borrow a tank of gas from my neighbor’s lawnmower.

7.  convince my children that every kid only gets one Skittle per serving.

8.  ask the produce man if a bunch of grapes can be broken up into smaller quantities.

9. get 4 slices of ham at the deli counter, one for each sandwich.

10.  pay my taxes with rolls of pennies.

11.  fashion new school shoes out of duck-tape.

12.  go to Burger King to watch cable TV.

13.  go to Barnes & Noble to read books and mark the page so I can finish the next day.

14. discover 143 ways to make Ramen noodles.

15.  water down skim milk.

16.  think going ‘out to eat’ includes the warehouse store’s sample table.

17.  use public restrooms in order to save money on toilet paper.

18.  go to the mall just to look for dropped change.

19.  think the Salvation Army Thrift store is expensive.

You fill in number 20.  Go ahead!

You’re so poor, you…

It’s Raining Diet Coke

It’s pouring this morning and the rain seems to have washed away any thoughts worthy of writing; however, that won’t stop me from posting.

I’m becoming addicted to caffeine free diet coke.  I need intervention!  This scares me because I have a family history of this addiction in the form of an aunt whose body only knows two liquids – diet coke and coffee.    She pours diet coke into her Mr. Coffee machine and makes a deadly brew.

Aunt Pat - Diet Coke runs through her viens

Aunt Pat - Diet Coke runs through her viens

Not really, but I bet the thought has crossed her mind.

This diet coke addiction got started because my tap water gives me heartburn.  I know, sounds like I need more than intervention.  Are they performing brain transplants yet?

Anyway, I think they treat the water with something that gives me heartburn.  It’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  I need to buy bottled water.

Do you realize that when you don’t drink caffeine for long periods of time, like years, you can use it as a drug?

Seriously caffeine is amazing stuff!  When you drink it everyday, you become immune to its’ effects; however, when your body is desensitized to caffeine, it’s amazing stuff.  If you’re a decaf person and you happen to be stuck in bumper to bumper traffic all way through NYC and into Connecticut, drink a medium sized regular iced-coffee.

crazy%20woman(1)

That’s what happened to me!

After guzzling half a cup, I was literally bouncing in my seat.  My mouth ran with words like Niagra Falls runs with water.  My heart was racing like I just ran three miles!

Please tell me that my metabolism was working like I just ran three miles.

I don’t care if it’s not true, just tell me anyway.

I think I like caffeine too much.  FringeMan doesn’t like when I drink caffeine.  He would rather I had slept all the way to Connecticut.  I tried to tell him that he’s lucky I communicate with him.

Filled with drama I said, “Imagine if you were stuck in a marriage where your wife never talked to you.”

“Could we try it?” He hopefully asked.

If he’s not careful, I will start drinking caffeine everytime I get in the car with him.

Enjoy your weekend people!  I hope the sun shines.

Life After Hemorrhoids

If your family is anything like mine, I’d venture to guess that during holiday meals, the meals where the entire family is seated around three tables shoved together, somebody inevitably brings up digestive problems.

It’s usually Great Aunt Sally who starts this talk, but everyone over the age of 50 brightens with animated  conversation  centered around bloating, gas, heartburn, constipation and diarrhea.  Heaven forbid anyone have an upcoming colonoscopy scheduled!

I end up feeling like we should be shooting a commercial for Pepto-Bismol.  Similar conversations are going on in the adjacent room at the kid’s table.  The only difference is that the kids are laughing hysterically and using words like ‘poop’, ‘pee’, and ‘farts’.

Today I’m here to tell you that there’s hope for hemorrhoids, NOT that I have a hemorrhoid problem!  Just wanted to clear that up.

The key to many stomach problems is eating adequate amounts fiber.  The average American diet doesn’t provide enough fiber.  Let’s face it, McDonald’s quarter pounders don’t pack a nutritional punch.

Consider Ronald McDonald…

ronald

Perhaps his freakish look comes from prolonged constipation?

About six years ago FringeMan became quite sick.  He had a fever and stabbing stomach pains.  The doctor sent him for a ct-scan and it was quickly determined that he had diverticulitis.  Antibiotics cured the infection, but we had to make some serious changes in our diet.  The main thing we had to incorporate was FIBER.

After walking around the hospital in a gown and cowboy boots, enduring much shame, and experiencing the crazy sensations that come from drinking poisonous liquid that makes you glow in the dark, FringeMan was ready for change.

(It’s not necessary to mention to FringeMan that I’ve shared his bowel problems with the world.  Just saying…)

Today I will share with you a  few easy ways to incorporate fiber into your diet.

*  Eat wraps instead of bread.  The wraps labeled “low carb” are packed full of fiber.  One Mission brand carb balance wrap has 21 grams of dietary fiber.  That’s a lot of fiber!

You’d have to eat an entire cardboard box to get that much fiber and the wraps taste much better.  Trust me.

*  Use Wheat Germ.

Kretschmer-WheatGerm-Detail_sflb

Wheat germ is available in regular flavor or honey crunch.  You can spread the original flavor on high fiber cereal (hot or cold), throw some on your salad, or hide it in meatballs and meatloaf.  Be creative, you’ll think of a hundred ways to add this to your meals.

I love to use the honey crunch wheat germ to bread fish or chicken and then bake to a crisp in the oven.

chicken with honey crunch wheat germ

chicken with honey crunch wheat germ

Click HERE for the nutritional value of Wheat Germ.  This stuff is good for you!

* Purchase a bag of ground flaxseed.  You can add flaxseed to many foods.  My favorite way to use ground flaxseed is in pancakes.  I load the pancakes with seeds and my kids love them.  I also hide ground flax seeds in my chocolate chip cookies.  Again it’s about being slightly creative and adding fiber to things you normally enjoy.  You can throw a few tablespoons into a muffin mix and add lots of nutritional value.  I’ve even added ground flaxseed to my pizza dough.

flaxseed

For flaxseed’s nutritional information, click HERE.

* Snack on sunflower seeds.  They taste great and are nutritionally wonderful.  A tiny sunflower seed has tons of fiber.  Check out their nutritional information HERE.

* Change to whole wheat pasta.  You can start slowly by mixing your pasta 50/50 until you develop a taste for the wheat pasta.

*  Use brown rice instead of white rice.  The only drawback is that brown rice takes a long time to cook, about 45 minutes.

I haven’t mentioned fruits, vegetables, and salads because they are obvious.  I’ve tried to focus on the foods that are less obvious.

If you hate all these ideas and are unwilling to try natural forms of fiber, there are always those awful thick drinks.  I’ve got one word for them, YUCK.

Wait, one more word, GAG.

I hope your day flows smoothly.

Anytime you’d like to spend a holiday meal with my family, just let me know.  I serve antacids for dessert.

I’M UPDATING THIS POST TO PLAY ALONG WITH “MAKING YOUR HOME SING MONDAY”.

My Deep, Dark Secrets

Debbie from Talking Trash has given me an assignment.  I am to tell you 10 things about myself.  Now that should be easy, shouldn’t it?

No.  It’s not easy.  You see, I often think I’ve told you everything already.  I’m not that interesting people!  

10 NEW things…not an easy task, but I thought and thought and here goes nothing.

1.  I love OLD houses.  I like when they have metal kitchen cabinets and those giant, old white sinks that weigh 500 pounds.  I like their ‘unique’ rooms and awkward alcoves.  Their solid wooden doors speak words of love to me, and if they have those antique white knobs, I’m in lust.

2.  My favorite museum is the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  I like everything from folk art to abstract and there’s a lot in-between.

3.  I am not a friend of animals.  You wouldn’t have guessed it, would you?  I always speak so lovingly of my dog, Oriana; however, truth be told, I could quite comfortably live pet free for the remainder of my life.  Perhaps it’s because as a child,  I only had a hermit crab for a pet.  It’s hard to bond with a hermit crab.

4.  I graduated high school in 1992 in a class of two.  I was not valedictorian.  Please don’t make me explain.  Please….

5.  While pregnant with my firstborn, I baited black bear in Brownsfield, Maine.

6.  When I was a small child, my neighbors threw bottles from their windows and repeatedly filled my kiddie pool with glass.  I lived surrounded by buildings, so pinpointing the culprit was harder than you may imagine.  Surprisingly I like to swim.

7.  I gave birth to a 9 pound, 8 ounce daughter without an epidural.  I think I deserve some credit for giving birth to a small turkey.

8.  I received my first and only speeding ticket for driving 36 mph.  I’m wild.  In Maine, police are serious about giving speeding tickets.

9.  I am half Portuguese and I do not yet have a mustache.  It’s coming though, I’m convinced.

10.  I can get lost in my backyard.  Maps do not help me and a compass would confuse me.  Never go hiking with me.  We will get forever lost.

I can’t imagine there’s a thing left to find out about me.  If you still want more, read THIS POST or THIS ONE.

So tell me something about YOU! 

Do tell something good.

Parent’s Rights

Do we, as American parents, have the right to rear our children according to our personal religious beliefs?

From time to time, this question burns in my mind.  My automatic response is a definite and emphatic “YES;” however, I find my voice growing fainter each time a parent’s rights are infringed upon by the courts.

We’ve all heard and read about this 13 year-old boy, Daniel, from Minnesota with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  He and his parents have refused chemotherapy treatment and will be taken to court over their decision.  This family is part of the Nemenhah Band.  Apparently they adhere to American Indian beliefs and use alternate medicinal therapies.

I’m not passing judgement on the Hauser family.  I’m not saying they should or should not have their son treated with conventional medicine. 

I am saying that I believe it is their right as the boy’s parents to decide how their son is treated for his illness.

If that were my child, he would have chemotherapy, NO questions asked!  I know from first-hand experience that it is a treatable disease with a very high success rate.  One of my cousins is a Hodgkin’s disease survivor.  

It is my strongest belief that if my son were sick, I should have the right to seek out any and all possible treatments to cure or at least retard his illness; however, it is my opinion that every mother should have this right no matter her beliefs. 

Last time I sat in a history class, I was taught that America is the land of the free.  America has historically been a place where people can go and practice religious freedom, even if their beliefs clash with modern medicine.  I don’t think it’s up to the court to decide for a perfectly sane, caring, loving parent what is ‘best’ for their child.

I know a child’s life hangs in the balance of these debates and that makes me terribly sad.  I realize the gravity of a decision and the eternal consequences of that one decision. 

I just wonder if this should be the parent’s decision or the courts?

What do you think?

Freedom comes at a great price. 

Many men and women have given their very lives for our freedoms.  Let’s not take our freedoms lightly or use them irresponsibly.

Memorial Day

Picture 078

Naval Air Museum - Pensacola, Fl.

The Domestic Fringe wants to thank all the men and women who have served our country in times past and present.  You’ve given of your time, talent, and your lives.  We are grateful.  Our support is with you and our prayers are for you.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY

The FringeFamily

New York’s Finest Foods

When you think about New York City’s food, you envision yourself sitting in some of the finest restaurants in the world, indulging in gourmet meals that are almost too much of a masterpiece to digest.  You read the reviews, you purchased a copy of Zagat’s, and your mouth is watering for the exotic.

And what post do I bring you today?

 100_3730

The Hot Dog!  That’s what.

Remember, I’m here to tell you whatZagat’s won’t.  When you’ve got a few kids hanging off your arm, pant’s leg, and purse who have been whining in hunger for an hour, you don’t have time for French sauces and fresh herbs.  You need food fast!

100_3735

Every mother knows that when their kid says he’s hungry, he’s on the verge of starvation.  His energy is depleted and he just can’t walk that extra block to the real restaurant – the one with a menu and a waiter.

100_3727

Besides if you somehow managed to pop in a pair of ear plugs or turn the volume to max on your ipod, you’d have lug this ornery, crying crew into a nice restaurant.  Think about that for a second.

100_3725

You’ll need to endure the glares of other diners who have either never had children or who were fortunate enough to have a nanny, tutor, and live-in grandma.  One of your kids will outrun the waiter to the first empty table, while a fight ensues over who’s going to sit next to you.  As the kids argue at a pitch that threatens to break the glass chandelier whose dim light once created a relaxing and slightly romantic mood, the water glass filled to its’ rim will crash to floor flooding half the restaurant, your once pressed pants, and the unsuspecting gentleman to your right. 

We all know a glass of restaurant water is equivalent to a gallon of residential tap water.

100_3734

So save yourself the gray hair, mental anguish, and child abuse charges.  Shell out two dollars cash and buy the kid a hot dog off the street!

100_3726

The ‘dirty water’ they sit in not only adds a rich flavor, but also builds immunity to every known disease and possibly a few that have yet to be discovered.  It’s not important if that water hasn’t been changed for the last month week.  The hot dog is GOOD!  One of the best you’ll eat.  Load up on ketchup, mustard, relish, onions, sauerkraut, chili, and Siracha hot sauce.  You’ll be glad you did.

There are other delicacies of equal caliber in and around the city.  Those living in New York take these tasty treats for granted.  They are …..

100_0251

Bagels & Pizza

I’ve lived outside New York and Mr. Bagel doesn’t know the first thing about making a good bagel.

100_0252I’ve gained 10 pounds since moving back to New York and the culprit is the bagel.  They’re everywhere including my thighs!  New Yorkers are two parts bagel and one part pizza.

Speaking of the pizza…Pappa John’s, Little Ceaser’s, and Dominoes DO NOT make pizza.  They make a mildly palatable cardboard painted with ketchup and sprinkled with a manufactured cheese product.

A New York pizza’s smell alone sends your senses into overload.  The tiger in your tummy lunges from your mouth in an attempt to consume a slice of the mouth-watering pie.  It’s smeared with a layer of sauce that has simmered for a hundred years and was created by momma Leona herself.  The pizza is then generously coated with a cheese so stringy it threatens to choke you.  Children in New York don’t choke on grapes, they choke on the cheese from their pizza and they live to love it.

I’ve gotta stop.  I’m hungry already.

Don’t visit New York without eating a fresh bagel for breakfast, a dirty water dog for lunch, and a slice of pizza for dinner.  After you’ve done that, you can consult Zagats, hire a sitter, and enjoy the restaurant of your choice.

Click HERE to read what else Zagats won’t tell you.

While we’re on the topic of NY, there’s not much that’s more NY than baseball.  If you’re in the market for a Father’s Day gift or have a sports fan in the family, you need buy The Greatest Comeback Ever.

paul's book

This is a 16 year-old’s daily account of the NY Yankees greatest comeback in history.  It’s a must read and I’m not just saying that because the author is my friend.

Go visit his website and buy a book!