A Thanksgiving Tree

17 Nov

This year I am skipping Thanksgiving.  If anything, I will eat a turkey sandwich and canned corn to commemorate our Pilgrim history.  It’s not that I’m ungrateful, because this year I am thankful for so much; however, I do not feel like cooking a feast in a just over a week and I’m repulsed by poultry.  Shocking news since I’ve eaten so much chicken it’s caused feather growth.  My current disdain for my feathered friends is causing me sleepless nights.

Could it be a funk?

A change in tastebuds?


I gotcha on the last one.   I think it’s a funk and for this reason, I’m skipping right to Christmas.  In honor of that decision, I give you my tree story.  I was a guest blogger last Christmas and this post never made it my site.  I thought I’d relive last year’s tree with you….

After several years of living on a shoestring budget, I decided that I was going to create a fabulous Christmassy mood in my home this year.  I mean, even the mice are getting tired of the popcorn strung on my tree and our stockings have wear holes because we use them for extra socks throughout the year.

This Christmas would be different.  This year I’d buy real presents and not just re-gift my mother’s work cast-offs, I’d buy a new tree, and even splurge on pretty wrapping paper.  I was so excited.  FringeMan would surely be impressed and my children would dream of sugar-plums dancing in their heads.

FringeMan has vehemently hated our tree for several years.  He’s deemed it worse, much worse, than Charlie Brown’s pathetic twig.  He calls it a dollar store knock-off of a folk art nightmare.  Ok, so you can see bark (the cheesy paper mache kind) through the sparse branches, but I never hated it.  I simply don’t like the fact that the tree is skinnier than I am.  When I stand in front of a tree for a Christmas picture, I definitely want the tree to be wider than my behind.

I went to purchase a new Christmas tree last week.  I shopped around online for artificial trees and discovered that they are much more expensive than I’d anticipated.  You know how it is – inflated prices, the economy, moths in my wallet.  Because I didn’t want to spend sixty or eighty dollars on a 4.5 foot tree, I went to The Christmas Tree Shop.  If you’ve ever been to one of these stores, you know it is only one step above the dollar store.  Their motto is “Don’t you just love a bargain?”  Oh, I do, I really, really do.

My daughter came shopping with me.  After fighting our way through the crowds of shopping carts, women cranked on Starbucks, and grumpy old men, I found the perfect tree.  It was only $19.99.  My only problem came when I realized that I couldn’t see it or touch it…definitely a gamble.  I held the box up and wondered out-loud, “Do you think this is ugly?”

A middle aged woman stopped, looked at the picture on the box, and in all seriousness asked, “Honey, are you going for the ugly look?”

Pages from December’s Country Living Magazine flipped through my mind as I shook off the fog of my fabulous Christmas mood.  “Well, no” I said, “but I always seem to hit that mark.”

She looked at me with pity in her eyes, shrugged, and went about her bargain hunting.  What was I to do now?

“Buy the pink tree, mommy.”  My daughter’s full of good ideas.

I put the tree back on the shelf and retrieved it at least four times, finally buying it.  The entire drive home I regretted every penny of the $19.99.  After opening the box and actually seeing the tree, I went into a week-long depression.  This would be the most hideous Christmas ever.  I even considered using the folk art nightmare.  This tree had plastic branches.  It wasn’t even pretending to be real!


I took two Zolofts and decided to dress my plastic branches as if they were genuine Blue Spruce.  I’m happy to report that I love my highly processed, definitely un-organic tree.  I’m in the Christmas mood, Santa is on his merry way, and my children are dreaming sweet dreams.  Life is good no matter the trimmings.

Merry Christmas / Happy Thanksgiving


P.S.  My tree is still skinnier than me.  I’m considering joining weight watchers, but since I’m not sure how many pounds I’ll need to lose, my tree will have to attend weigh-ins so we can both be measured.


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9 Responses to “A Thanksgiving Tree”

  1. David November 17, 2009 at 12:41 pm #

    I have not gotten into the Thanksgiving OR Christmas spirit yet this year. But I loved your post! Funny as always!

  2. The Texas Woman November 17, 2009 at 1:11 pm #

    You’ve inspired me – Zolofts for Christmas presents! I like that idea! Cute post!

  3. Alyson (New England Living) November 17, 2009 at 1:45 pm #

    Cute story! We spent a bundle on our fake tree 12 years ago. We have since switched to real trees.

  4. Rachel November 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm #

    I love that you’re already in the Christmas mood!

    I got our fake pre-lit at Dillard’s the day after Thanksgiving in 2005. All the other fools (including my husband & dad) were at Best Buy and Circuit City so my mother & I hit Dillard’s. The tree was 6.5 feet, originally $350 marked down to $80 for the day after Thanksgiving sale. Honestly, it was worth the money just so we don’t have to buy and string lights on it.

  5. caprik November 17, 2009 at 4:16 pm #

    Our next tree MUST be pre-lit. I hate that part of the job.

    Oh, don’t skip Thanksgiving! All the good food without all the seasonal hub-bub!

  6. Cathy November 17, 2009 at 6:24 pm #

    That is too funny!! We plan to start Christmas decorating this week sometime.

  7. Amber November 17, 2009 at 6:42 pm #

    hahahhaaa. hilarious! i am so very dreading going through my six giant bins of Christmas decorations. I usually love doing it but it just seems like a giant giant massive task now. anywhoo we buy a real tree each year and every year i passive-aggressively behave at the price i will pay EACH year for a tree!! somehow the ride home isn’t as pleasant as the ride to get the tree!!!

  8. marytoo November 20, 2010 at 9:11 am #

    Ok, I’m reading this a year late, but, Where are the pix of this tree! Or did I miss them?


  1. The Unsympathic THERAPIST | the domestic fringe - November 16, 2010

    [...] itching to go buy a new tree, a big one, bigger than me!  I’m done with all trees skinnier than my behind or wearing Phyllis Diller [...]

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