A Tree Named Phyllis

18 Nov

All it took was fifteen minutes of Santa Claus coming to town one silent night and my children were begging me to put up the Christmas tree.  I took out the same ugly tree as we used last year only to find that it’s still skinnier than my behind.  Disappointed that my plastic tree hadn’t grown over the past year, I opened it like an umbrella, except in reverse, and sat it in a bucket on a bench in front of the window.  I considered standing it on telephone books to add height, but I could think of no way to add width, so I decided to deal with the fact that my holiday decor won’t be featured in Country Living, Southern Living, or Hobo Living.

My daughter gushed over the memories each ornament triggered and my son strung lights and beads so quickly that my mind was left spinning .  I fear I will have little say in Christmas decorating until my children leave for college…assuming my trickery works and they actually leave at eighteen.

It took approximately eight minutes to have a completely decorated micro-tree and only a handful of bulbs were broken in the process.  No one was bleeding and I considered this holiday season to be victorious thus far.

When I finally stood back and looked at the finished product, I could do nothing but laugh.  I’m not certain anyone other than the legally blind can gaze at my tree and not burst into riotous laughter.  To think that it stands on display for the neighborhood and every passerbyer (I made up that word) to see makes me shutter in a mixture of shame and amusement.

It looks remarkably like….

this, less the martini.

Two Thousand Nine will be known as the year we celebrated in the light of our Phyllis Diller Tree.

See for yourself.

See the resemblance?

I know you thought I was kidding.

Have you started your decorating yet?

Visit the Hooked On Houses tour!


Christmas Tour of Homes at the Nesting Place.

Tags: , , , , , ,

22 Responses to “A Tree Named Phyllis”

  1. Amber November 18, 2009 at 9:48 pm #

    awww. it’s purdy. ;-)

  2. Debbie York November 18, 2009 at 10:47 pm #

    Try it with the martini and see what you think!

  3. Mindy November 19, 2009 at 2:26 am #

    Oh, Dear. I see what you mean. It is important that you take a picture each year and remind yourself that each year, you allowed your children freedom of expression. Whew!

    My tree is where it will be. But, no decorations yet. And, nope. I haven’t fixed all the lights yet. Send the kids and maybe they can fix them?


  4. Nina in Portugal November 19, 2009 at 5:36 am #

    Oh my…Yes, I can see the resemblance.

    You’re a cool sort of “off the wall” kind of gal…if anyone can pull that off, it’s you.

    (That was supposed to make you feel good….hope it worked)

    And yes, we began decorating last night…..working on a post about our Christmas decorating.

    (Ever used snow in a can?…well, don’t…take my advice)

  5. Cathy November 19, 2009 at 9:03 am #

    Yep, I’m afraid you’re right, it does look like Phyllis Diller. But guess what, I like it (and I always liked Phyllis Diller too). Our tree isn’t the greatest either. There always seems to be holes in it where you can see straight into the pole. But you know, if you turn the tree lights on and the rest of the room lights off, any tree can look pretty good. And you know what? If the kids like it and had fun putting it up and you got a good laugh, what more do you need?

    Just sit back, relax and have fun with it!

    Now I can’t wait to decorate!

  6. kelly November 19, 2009 at 9:54 am #

    HA! that is so cute :) really – i love it :) and o, so hilarious is your post! :)

  7. Debra November 19, 2009 at 11:56 am #

    Wow it does remind me of Phyllis! Hilarious! Aww, your tree is cute and look how happy it made the kids! ( does that help?)
    I so enjoy your blog.

  8. Lois Lane II November 19, 2009 at 1:05 pm #

    HAHA!! That is too funny!

    No decorations here yet; should put ‘em up Black Friday, though. After my post-shopping nap, lol.

  9. Mama Belle November 22, 2009 at 5:28 pm #

    Funny. I just asked the hubs to help me put up the tree and he says it’s a rule now that we don’t put it up until after Thanksgiving. But, La Petite Belle and I will be convincing him by the end of the night.

  10. Diane November 24, 2009 at 9:58 pm #

    Are you kidding? I LOVE this tree! I wish I had one exactly like this in my living room!! You are a genius and a decorating maven.

  11. Rena Gunther December 10, 2009 at 9:29 am #

    Your rendition is funnier than the tree!

    Although, the tree IS funny!

    I have a ridiculously skinny tree myself.

    Embarrassing. Completely.

    I’m so getting a new tree next year and every year thereafter.

    At least you hung yours right-side up! What’s wrong with people hanging Christmas trees upside-down?

  12. rhonda December 10, 2009 at 10:31 am #


  13. O mom December 10, 2009 at 11:57 am #

    What a fun top!

  14. Emily December 10, 2009 at 1:35 pm #

    That is hilarious!! I love it! I too have given up creative authority in my home and have allowed my children to do the decorating. Fun times for sure. :)

  15. Julie December 10, 2009 at 6:55 pm #

    I laughed out loud! The picture of Phyllis Diller and your tree are just alike! She should be proud.

  16. Crystal December 11, 2009 at 10:44 am #

    Haha! That’s hilarious! I do like the tree though, for real!

  17. wanda December 11, 2009 at 12:38 pm #


    Phyllis is amazing! Great job!

  18. patty December 15, 2009 at 7:50 pm #

    so funny! :)
    merry christmas!

  19. Jen December 16, 2009 at 8:17 am #

    Ahhh… but you see, you will never forget this tree, or the memories that go with it. And that is what is most important! It’s a fun tree!

  20. Lisa the PW December 19, 2009 at 1:09 pm #

    I love Phyllis!!! :)

    Merry Christmas!


  1. Self-Image Smasher « the domestic fringe - November 22, 2009

    [...] can’t I get away from the Phyllis’s lately?  First my tree and now [...]

  2. The Unsympathic THERAPIST | the domestic fringe - November 16, 2010

    [...] I’m itching to go buy a new tree, a big one, bigger than me!  I’m done with all trees skinnier than my behind or wearing Phyllis Diller hair. [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 239 other followers