For The Love of My Thighs

23 Feb

Every time someone mentions the words diet or exercise, a thousand Rocketts begin dancing across my mind, each leg kick higher than the last.  My thighs are my troubled half and believe me, they carry at least half of my body weight.  Unfortunately each of my thighs resembles a tree trunk with the consistency of a Twinkie.

About twice a year, I go on a reconnaissance effort to take back my legs – once in the spring when I know beach season looms near and once again in the fall when I try to squeeze back into my jeans.  Liposuction has always been a consideration; however, I’ve never been able to fully convince my insurance company that cellulite of the thighs is correlated to sudden death.  They don’t realize that I am doing squats at deaths door.

It was during one of my ‘slim my body in a hurry’ panics that I discovered my library had an exercise video targeted directly at thighs.  The Rocketts rejoiced.  I began squatting, lifting, kicking, and crunching with near immediate results.  If such a thing is possible, it seemed the Twinkies were turning into Twix.  The only problem was the video could only be checked out of the library for two days at a time.  Renewals not permitted.

One night after I’d just washed an arsenal of age-fighting makeup down the drain and changed into paint stained yoga pants, I realized that I needed to exercise.  I couldn’t risk another day without making my cellulite scream in defeat.  With bedroom eyes and the sweetest tone I could muster, I begged, pleaded, and groveled at my husband’s feet.  He finally conceded to run to the library and pick up that video.  After all, he enjoyed the benefits of a firmer and more agile me.

Furtively glancing around the library, he sheepishly slinked up to the counter and wordlessly placed the video in front of the librarian.  You can never quite tell what a librarian is thinking.  They are assumed smart, and are respected because there are few other people who can master the library ‘whisper’.  With a smirk, she told him he could keep the video for a week this time.  Apparently his thighs looked to be in worse shape than mine, and I scolded myself for not sending him sooner.

A few days later my unsuspecting husband returned to the library with my son.  As he walked up to the counter, she looked up past her minty green glasses and asked, “How are your thighs doing?”

And that is why I love FringeMan.  He puts kindness into action as he sacrifices his reputation for my thighs.  It is also one of the many ways he shows me how much he loves me.

This post is linked to Tuesday’s Unwrapped hosted by Chatting at the Sky.  Go visit for stories much better than my own.  It also linked to a one word blog carnival – Click HERE for more posts on kindness.

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35 Responses to “For The Love of My Thighs”

  1. Hat Chick February 23, 2010 at 9:03 am #

    Great gravy! I didn’t know such a thing existed. They don’t sell those videos at the Rockettes show! I luv the Rockettes, and let me *promise* you, if I had seen them perform live when I was about 8 or 9 years old, that’s what I would have been doing – forget college! Just a tip – A little ballet helps lengthen the muscles of the thighs, making them long and lean instead of bulky.

  2. Jill February 23, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    This is hysterical from the title right down to the conclusion! That is true love.

  3. nina in portugal February 23, 2010 at 9:18 am #

    I laugh every time I think about Preacher-Fringeman checking out a video of women toning their thighs…..

    THAT’S funny stuff!

  4. Glynn February 23, 2010 at 9:31 am #

    Somebody loves his wife. And in this story, he lived kindness. Good post.

  5. red.neck Chic February 23, 2010 at 10:51 am #

    ROFLMBO!!! Girl – that is too funny!!! And while I was ready I was saying, “I hear you!” “I hear you!”!!! Those rockets… they are my voices. LOLOL I’m tellin’ ya – you’ve got a good one in Fringeman!!!

    LOLOLOLOL ;-) robelyn

  6. Debra February 23, 2010 at 11:12 am #

    That is so funny! What a great guy you have. I can’t stop laughing!

  7. katdish February 23, 2010 at 11:28 am #

    Now that IS love! And now I’m sitting here on my sizable arse staring at my dusty eliptical machine, thinking my thighs could use a workout.

  8. Lois Lane II February 23, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    HAHA!!! Go, FringeMan!

  9. Patti Lacy February 23, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    You’ve got the greatest voice, FringeGirl!! As a former member of the Bengal Belles, I take inspiration from the Rockettes yet have never gotten to see ‘em!! THANKS for a trip to New York (without paying a penny).



  10. Melissa Brotherton February 23, 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    Haha! Now that’s love!

  11. Janna Qualman February 23, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    Yes! And that’s the way it should be. ;) Kudos and double-brownie points to FM.

  12. Cathy February 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    Sounds like your hubby is a keeper for sure!

  13. Amy February 23, 2010 at 1:23 pm #

    Love it! What an awesome husband. Don’t know if I could convince my hubby. . . Thanks for the great laugh today. I needed it.

  14. miel & company February 23, 2010 at 2:15 pm #

    that is sooo funny! and he is such a good, loving man!

  15. Beth February 23, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    So fun! Yeay for library videos that help thighs, yeay for husbands that don’t mind librarians teasing about videos about thighs, and yeay for sharing this fun story that put a smile on my face. Hope you’re loving the twix. :)

  16. Bridget February 23, 2010 at 3:18 pm #

    He’s a keeper… thanks for the laugh and a great story of kindness in action!

  17. Helen February 23, 2010 at 3:30 pm #

    Good for him! My poor Bob has had to do the feminine hygiene product run for me. God bless him, he never acts embarrassed by it, either.

  18. JoAnn February 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm #

    That is awesome! I happen to need the name of that video. Not for me of course. I don’t even know what a thigh is. Oh, and twinkie? Is that a nickname for carrots? I have no idea.

  19. Dawn February 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    i love the rockettes… and i am so sorry they taunt you like this! but i too, would love to have those legs :) what a good hubby you have… bad enough to ahve to do this errand… and now to be razzed about it by the librarian! true love :)

  20. Janet February 23, 2010 at 7:13 pm #

    Hi … great post! Nice to ‘met’ you today. I look forward to exploring more of your posts on your site – good stuff!

  21. robinaltman February 23, 2010 at 9:08 pm #

    LOL! Poor FringeMan! I must admit – that librarian is a woman after my own heart. One can only hope that she sensed he had a sense of humor!

    My mom used to make my dad run to the drugstore to buy tampons. He wasn’t super fond of those trips. Yet, I’m sure no one asked him, “How’s your vagina?”

  22. Mindy February 23, 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    Oh dear! She did not! That man rocks for taking that! And he rocks anyway. Keep him. And good luck with the thighs. Mine are a cruel joke that runs on my mother’s side of the family. I stopped fighting and am working on the insurance company, myself. ~Mindy

  23. Genny February 23, 2010 at 11:16 pm #

    What a great man you have! :)

  24. Kevin M. February 24, 2010 at 12:08 am #

    LOL! Great story! Loved it!

  25. charlesallenjr February 24, 2010 at 12:45 am #

    That is too funny!

  26. Mama Belle February 24, 2010 at 12:14 pm #

    At least she thought he was watching it for such an innocent reason. A godly man could get quite a reputation for checking out such videos.

  27. Sara February 24, 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    This is beautiful!! At least you’re trying. I just can’t make myself care:-)

  28. Sandra King February 24, 2010 at 4:26 pm #

    Oh so funny! Maybe I can get my hubby to go get a “buff buns” video for me.

  29. Lora Lynn February 27, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

    Hilarious. He’s a keeper, that one.

  30. Amy March 3, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    This made me LAUGH OUT LOUD at work so loudly that I had to show my friend sitting next to me–and she did the same thing! We can definitely relate. Loved this post!

  31. Emily@remodelingthislife March 13, 2010 at 9:49 pm #

    I love it!!! Thanks so much for sharing and giving me a laugh that was much needed tonight.


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