Electrify My Bed

22 Mar

A few days of sunshine and my face is so speckled I don’t recognize myself in the mirror; however, the effects of the sun reach deep, changing more than my skin’s surface.  I suddenly find myself doing silly things like jumping rope and leaving unsigned notes on the front seat of a certain man’s Jeep.

With the pockets of my sweatshirt stuffed with tissues, an asthma inhaler, and cell phone, I searched the kitchen for Oriana’s leash.  My eyes lighted on the silver links just as an image of FringeMan filtered through my mind.  He was working on a house in our town and I knew the road.  Without much thought I grabbed a pen and snatched a piece of loose-leaf paper my daughter uses to practice her spelling words.  I then scribbled a little message, folded up the paper, and added it to the growing pile of junk in my pocket.  I grabbed the dog, took a deep breath, and headed out for a walk.

That sounds simple, but in reality it’s kinda like one of those cartoons where you see the leashed dog running wildly down the road with a harried woman floating in the air a few feet behind, terrified to release the leash.  I am that woman.

As soon as I rounded the corner onto the street where FringeMan was working, I noticed his vehicle.  I couldn’t miss it, because it’s plastered with a few of those signs that nearly landed him in jail.  Ironically, the signs still hang in various locations around our town.  The local officers haven’t complained, so as long as we are all happy, they add beauty to our local landscape.  Really, they do.

Stealthily I opened the driver’s side front door and the dog jumped in and wouldn’t come out.  This is partly because she’s now worn out from our psychotic run, but mostly because I walked into the road and she’s terrified of moving traffic ever since her near death experience on the side of a van.

Finally I coax her out, unfold the note, and lay it out on the seat. Slamming the creaking door, we took off at a run.  I’m sure the Mrs. Cravitz’s of the neighborhood were certain I just stole toll change from the cupholder, but as long FringeMan didn’t see us, we were good.

My note said something like…

I am looking for an electrician to put an outlet in my living room,

hang a chandelier  in my dining room,

and electrify my bed.

Now, we’ve been married for twelve years and I’ve left him thousands of notes.  They usually have words like “pick up milk”, “please stop for bread on your way home,” and “don’t forget the kitchen pipe burst and flooded the first floor.”  But still, he should recognize the handwriting.  Shouldn’t he?

Apparently not.  He skimmed the first two lines of the note, saw ‘outlets’ and ‘chandelier’, immediately stopped reading and searched for a phone number.  When he couldn’t locate a number, he stopped to reread and began having heart palpitations.

Self-consciously he looked over his shoulder, up and down the street, and panicked.  He said he felt like Joseph working in Potipher’s house and thought, “I’d better tell Tricia before she kills me.”

So he hopped in the car and swung by the house.  Only I wasn’t there and the dog was missing too.  Realization dawned and my phone began to ring.  He’s so easy to fool!

My recommendation for you this week…

Leave your husband an unsigned note and make sure he doesn’t recognize your handwriting.  He’ll get a kick out of it and you may get some fringe benefits too.

Thank me later. ;-)

If you’d like to read about my dog’s brush with death, click HERE.

If you’d like to read about FringeMan’s brush with the law, click HERE.

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27 Responses to “Electrify My Bed”

  1. Cindy Tabacchi March 22, 2010 at 10:43 am #

    This is so funny! I’m planing my note now.


  2. Deb March 22, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    Love it! By the way, I often called my Mum Gladys Kravitz because she was always peeking out the window at the neighbours. I’m glad someone else remembers poor old Gladys. :)

  3. red.neck Chic March 22, 2010 at 12:40 pm #

    I am laughing SO HARD!!! That is hilarious!!!! Did you get the chandelier hung? LOLOLOL
    ;-) robelyn

  4. Patti Lacy March 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm #

    Now today I am screaming laughing. You are setting a high bar, girl.


  5. Sydney March 22, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

    Very funny. My husband used to leave love notes for me in my purse. I don’t know how he did it, but they always seemed to be there when I was having a crappy day at work.

  6. Jenn March 22, 2010 at 6:27 pm #

    Every Friday night when Eddie bowls, I sneak a note into his left shoe. He is left-handed, so it’s always his left shoe. I have done this for the past 4 years and he still sometimes forgets about the note and walks around all week with it in there.

  7. MissCaron March 22, 2010 at 8:44 pm #

    LOVE IT!!!

  8. Stonefox March 22, 2010 at 8:56 pm #

    You guys are sending off sparks over the net, better cool it down. LOVE this! :)

  9. robinaltman March 22, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    You are too funny! For a second I thought you were going to say that you put the note in the wrong car.

  10. David March 22, 2010 at 11:27 pm #

    I love the line about Joseph working in Potipher’s house! Ha!

    At least you know your electrician is well grounded! (Pun intended.)

  11. Debbie York March 23, 2010 at 12:40 am #

    I just have to tell you that it’s a good thing you married him or I’d be tempted to steal him! What a darling to first think of telling you instead of hiding it…I can see why you can’t help loving that man of yours!
    Now tell me…exactly what’s the going rate per hour for a bed electifier these days?

  12. Adrianna March 23, 2010 at 3:09 am #

    HAHAHAHAHA!! That is hilarious!! I definitely had to lol @ this post!

    p.s. Thank you so much for your sweet words. I so very much appreciate them.

  13. caprik March 23, 2010 at 6:14 am #

    You are so frisky!

    Love Gladys Kravitz! That’s what we used to call Abby when she was little because she was so nosy!

  14. Hat Chick March 23, 2010 at 8:47 am #

    Ha Ha Ha! Fringe benefits, eh?

    p.s. My neighbor always called my sister Mrs. Kravitz because she knew everything going on in the neighborhood.

  15. jenn March 23, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    Hee hee! My husband would totally fall for this, too.

  16. Jessica {The Novice Chef} March 23, 2010 at 3:02 pm #

    This is too funny!! Lol!

  17. mrs mediocrity March 23, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

    That was great, at least he gave you the correct response!

  18. Dee March 24, 2010 at 11:05 am #

    I’ve been calling my nosey neighbor EDNA Kravitz this whole time! Now I know its Gladys! Funny post!

  19. hibby March 24, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    Oh gracious, this is amazing! You are very clever and inspiring. :)

  20. Allyson March 26, 2010 at 12:08 pm #

    Too funny! Once you get past 10 years (15 here) you do what you have to in order to keep things exciting!

  21. Shannon | Confessions of a Loving Wife March 28, 2010 at 4:30 pm #

    I LOVE this post! I am going to give it a try this week. I am so happy to have found your blog. I have already added you to my RSS reader.

  22. Renette Lambrechts October 14, 2010 at 3:06 am #

    Where is the ‘like’ button on this thing! I like your blog Fringe Girl!

  23. Sonia G Medeiros February 20, 2012 at 12:24 pm #

    Totally hilarious!!!


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