Archive | April, 2010

Listen to Your Fortune Cookie

16 Apr

This is a true story I originally posted when I first began blogging and only my mother and I read what I wrote.  I thought I’d revive the story, because my kids began Spring Break today and haven’t given me a clear moment to think yet.  Have a Happy Weekend!

“The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.”

That was my fortune in a cookie tonight.  After dropping our children off at Awana, my husband and I decided to grab a quick bite to eat.  We figured it would be like a date, a quick date, but time “alone” nonetheless.

We indulged the kid’s pleas for McDonald’s prior to dropping them off.  Until recently, my children hadn’t experienced McDonald’s.  After all I hate their bathrooms; however, McDonald’s dominates the fast food world in NY and brainwashes children into becoming “McDynites” (ya, I made that up).  My children were exceptionally good today and entertained themselves for a solid two hours while I was in a meeting, so I rewarded them with artery clogging food.  I never learned the don’t use food as a reward lesson.

They were sooooo happy!

Undoubtedly someone will mistake my next statements for racially derogatory comments.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  A night out with my closest friends most closely resembles a meeting at the United Nations.  Because I grew up in such a culturally diverse environment, I am “at home” with many people.  I can also interpret broken English pretty well.  My husband often says I grew up in the world of Sesame Street.

In spite of my love for cultures, I don’t often agree to dine on Chinese food.  My husband LOVES Chinese food and it would be his first choice 9 out of 10 times.  Obviously I create tension of the taste buds for him.

Like my fortune said, “the farther backward you can look”…my husband was once engaged to a Chinese woman…”the farther forward you are likely to see.”  I know your vision is clearing; a new day of understanding is dawning.

I have subconsciously harbored emotions strong enough to alter my taste buds.  It’s amazing!  What’s more amazing is that I agreed to eat Chinese tonight.  It sounded tempting.

I should have avoided temptation at all cost.

Sitting with a hot cup of tea in my hand, I perused the menu.  “General Tso’s Chicken it is.”  I placed my order and snacked expectantly on the crunchy noodles with duck sauce.  They were fabulous; a precursor of the abundance to come.  I momentarily forgot why it is I don’t frequent the local takeout.

While in a blissful fog, our waiter brought my entrée.  It looked delicious.  The plate was complete with a pink vegetable flower of sorts.  What exquisite culinary art!

I dug right in, serving myself some sticky white rice (my favorite and oh, how I’ve missed it) and chunks of chicken.  Did I mention that my stomach is EMPTY?  I don’t skip meals and it was way past meal-time for me.

Pink, stringy chicken looked up at me from a bed of pure white rice.  There must be some mistake…I’m already salivating…it can’t all be raw.  Frantically I begin cutting each chunk in half, stopping only when I heard “cocka-doodle-do.”

It was ALL raw.

In defeat, I made my husband summon our waiter and I explained my dilemma.  Now, I’m not one to complain about restaurant food.  If I don’t have to cook it, I love it.  It’s great any way you want to make it as long as it’s cooked.  I don’t eat raw meat.  I’m very closed-minded.

Patiently, I waited for my new meal and was surprised by the promptness in which I received my new platter.  They should have slowed down, because then my chicken may have actually been cooked.  In my book, two strikes and you’re out.  At this point, I’m not up to round three.  I knew deep in my soul that I should not eat Chinese.  Tonight confirmation came in the form of a clucking chicken.

From now on, my husband will have to go out “with the boys” when he wants Chinese food.

His fortune reads “To remember is to understand.”

I don’t think he’ll soon forget.

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A Reason to Sneeze

15 Apr

Spring makes its own statement,

so loud and clear that the gardener seems to be only one of the instruments,

not the composer.   ~Geoffrey B. Charlesworth

Spring is my hope in a world of mittens and flannel.  I perk and bloom under the first rays of sunshine, throw open a window, and breath deep the frost-free air.  My happiness tank fills as quickly as the red line on the thermometer can rise, and I suddenly remember a hundred projects I want to complete.

Every request to go to the park is granted with a resounding “YES!”  The blue skies beckon each of us out-of-doors as the cool winds blow winter’s gloom from our home.   As the days stretch, dinner is served later.  The hours of snuggling on the couch are saved for next winter’s snowfall.

After all, any temperature above 50 degrees warrants shorts.  Mommy is overjoyed that art projects are taken outside, the endless sidewalks for a canvas.

Bicycle tires are filled and chains are oiled.  The race is on to see who can master bike tricks that send a mother’s heart a flutter.  Emergency sirens scream through the commotion of a sunny day, while other children bask in the glory of shedding their training wheels more quickly than their coat.

With winter’s long dreams reminding them to stay out of traffic, even the dogs rouse to chase the neighboring cat.

All is good and right with the world.  Forgiveness for January’s harshness is found in the heart of Spring.

We wouldn’t trade these blooming days for an allergy free second of snow.

How are you enjoying this season?

Go visit MyCup2Yours for more great Spring posts!

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Decisions, Taxes, and My Jeans

14 Apr

Although I can decide to change my entire life in 2.3 seconds, I cannot decide which fabric to buy or what jeans look good on me.  I stop harried employees to ask their opinion when I know they don’t care.  The fitting room sales associate never tells me my butt actually looks bigger in jeans, and the lady cutting my fabric has no clue if my prints will blend into my living room.  I just cannot be held responsible for decisions made when I am shopping alone.

I hope you will remember this after I show you the pictures of my living room.  If nothing else, I have definitely given it life; however, I think its’ life could use Xanax.

I fear my fabric took me in a semi-psychotic direction, but there’s no turning back.  Pictures are coming soon…promise.  Maybe Monday.

Aside from choosing three separate ‘groovy’ patterns for pillows, yesterday was really weird.  You know those days where you just can’t be sure what will happen in the next minute?  I had one of those.  The down side is that every receptionist in America hates me.  I have no idea why.  I use my manners, bring my own pen, and refrain from sneezing on their desk.  In an act of desperation, I may start bringing them cookies.  The upside is that my mother gave me two $10 coupons to Kohl’s, making my denim capri jeans only $8.23 each, tax included.  No matter what happened, that makes yesterday a good day.

BUT, I am still undecided on whether capri’s are flattering or frumpish on me.  I’m a little short – not short like the lollipop kids on The Wizard of Oz, but short like I could use three extra inches.  I only had my daughter’s opinion and you’ve seen what she’s done to my hair.  She also likes my pillows.   Enough said.  I don’t trust her one bit.  At any rate, I’ll be wearing denim capri’s all summer, frumpish or not.

Today school lets out at 11:30am.  Why did they bother waking me up this morning to make my kid’s breakfast and get them on the bus?  Just give them the entire day off and let us all sleep in.  Unfortunately my opinions matter little.

Tomorrow is tax day.  Put a damp cloth on your forehead, take a Xanax or a handful of M&M’s, and lick that stamp or hit send if you e-file. I hope you all get fat returns.  If not, try this.

Now here’s my question…

Is it easy for you to make the ‘little’ decisions in life?


Do you labor over whether to stop at Wendy’s or Panera Bread for lunch?  Whether to buy the dark wash or vintage wash jeans?  Whether you should buy fabric with a black base or a brown base?

Do you make big decisions with ease while loosing sleep over things that just do not matter?

Will you come shopping with me next time I have a coupon?

Finally, I want to say thank you to the wonderful cashier in Jo-Ann Fabrics who allowed me to separate my order and use two 50% off coupons yesterday.  I will love you forever.

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In Honor of Snot

12 Apr

Spring has sprung and if we didn’t need our respiratory systems, the FringeFamily would be wonderful; however, we haven’t learned how to live without breathing.  My daughter is coughing barking worse than my neighbor’s dog; my son walks around with an asthma inhaler hanging from his lips; I lost my voice, and even FringeMan has been reduced to allergy pills.

So in honor of snot, I give you this post, originally published on 2/9/09.

Genius does what it must, and talent does what it can.

- Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Some have genius, others talent, and yet there are those few who amble through life void in their very being of all skills useful and necessary. Fortunately for Napoleon, he’s got skills.
MySpace Picture Codes
MySpace Movie Posters

Unfortunately for me, I don’t have skills…like you know, nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills…

I don’t have spitting skills either. Normally I wouldn’t count this as an aptitude deficit or a character flaw; however, an individual with as many boogies as I posses needs certain skills, namely spitting skills. My lack of technique was never more apparent than on a road trip to Maine one chilly morning.

Shortly after we wed, FringeMan and I had the screwy idea to purchase a house in Maine. Not just any old house would do for the new FringeCouple…my, no. It needed to be house nearly condemned with no electricity on the second floor, no real kitchen, and no usable bathroom.

Our first home is a series of posts. I only mention the house to explain our weekly trek from New York to Maine. Each Friday night after work, we’d hop in our car and drive to Maine to toil (I do mean work, sweat, bleed, labor and travail) on our “new” home.

For reasons that escape my memory, this particular weekend we left during the pre-dawn hours of Saturday. Notice I said PRE-DAWN?

I’m not a morning person. A mommy bear protecting her young cubs is more cordial than I in the pre-dawn, dawn, and slightly post-dawn hours of the morning. My children know that when I stumble from bed, it is their job to silently hug me and point me in the direction of the coffee pot. Sudden movements, commotions, and happy chatter are NOT welcome in the morning.

During the hours of first light, my ordinary skills do not perform at peak capacity…spitting skills included. However, my sinuses work double time engulfing my nasal cavity, throat, and chest with goo as thick as a jellyfish and as abundant as cockroaches in a New York City tenement.

An accurate representation of my morning snot.

An accurate representation of my morning snot.

This booger problem requires no less than 15 boxes of tissues be scattered throughout the house. Paper towels are preferred for the first blow due to their ability to handle extreme pressure.

On this chilly morning, I was trapped in a vehicle without a tissue. Unwillingly I coughed up a booger that filled my mouth like you only wish your jelly donuts were filled. I had to rid myself of this gelatinous ooze.

FringeMan, the ever helpful new husband, says “Spit it out the window.”

He hadn’t yet been privy to my lack of skills. Hoping for the best, I rolled down my window. With the wind in my face, I blew with the fervency of a child blowing the candles on his birthday cake and silently wishing for a new bicycle. All appeared well. I was free of my snot, or so I assumed.

About an hour later, we stopped at a Dunkin Donuts in Connecticut to get coffee. As we entered the cramped coffee shop, I decided to head to the bathroom first. I’d almost reached the bathroom when FringeMan pulled me back by the sweatshirt. I stumbled as he burst out laughing.

“Whaaat?” I grumpily glared at him.

He could only point to the back of my shoulder. Dried into a cement-like compound was my ginormous booger. I wasn’t free after all. Apparently the loathsome wind had blown the snot back in my face. Thankfully it missed and landed on my shoulder.

Some women carry chips on their shoulders. Me, I just carry a wad of snot.

I’ve learned that my skills have their limits. I’ve also learned to keep a box of tissues in the car.

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Spreading the Love

10 Apr

I need a redo on today.  When I woke up at six-thirty this morning, it was snowing and my head was pounding.  Thankfully the sun is shining once again, but baby, it’s cold outside!

Since I can’t paint today, I figured I’d introduce you to some new blogs I found.  Now the rest of blogosphere probably reads these blogs everyday, but I accidently stumbled upon them in the last few weeks.  So, here’s what we’re gonna do…

I’ll leave a few links for you to check out and in the comments, leave me a link to your favorite blog.  If you don’t normally comment on the domestic fringe, leave me a link to your blog so that I can come visit.  Have no fear if your comments don’t show up.  They automatically go to ‘spam’ if they include links, but I’ll be sure to fish them out so we can all enjoy some good weekend reading.
The Lumberjack’s Wife

Mable’s House

Life in Grace

Happy Saturday and have fun reading!

I can’t wait to follow the link you leave me.

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What do aqua paint, the IRS, and bananas have in common?

7 Apr

I feel like I was rundown by a semi-truck carrying gallons of ready mixed paint colors.

I look like a frizzy headed Easter chick whose painted eggs got cracked all over my fluff.

I smell like…

On second thought, use your imagination.

It’s been a life packed few days on the fringe and just so you know, I’ve been eating my share of the bananas.  One banana must be good for about seventy-five M&M’s.  Wouldn’t you think?

Although I really didn’t intend to jump right into a food conversation, it seems chocolate is on my brain and I have a huge confession.  All of my healthy life choices got the kibosh tonight.  I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia for dinner.

There is no excuse.

Understand I chose the Yogurt Cherry Garcia which had half the calories and only a small fraction of the fat, so I feel slightly justified in my decision.

Yes, mom, I fed the kids real food for dinner.

Did you hear about the proposed tax on soda and other beverages containing sugar?  It’s the governments way of strong-arming us into making good food choices.  I think they should just tax fruit and veggies, push us all into an early demise, and then euthanize us young.  It will save scads of money on health care.

No I did not drink soda with my ice-cream frozen yogurt.

I can’t speak anymore about taxes.  I have serious issues with both our government and the IRS.  The IRS owes us money; however, we were notified that our tax return would be delayed due to the new health care laws.  WHAT?

Don’t they realize I need that money to buy Diet Coke?

Do you think sugar substitutes will be taxed as heavily as sugar?

Folks the questions never end.

On to brighter topics…

I’ve been painting and I am in love.  Watch out FringeMan, because Benjamin has Moore to offer…like aqua blue high gloss and regal red.  I can’t tell you anymore, because I am not done; however, I assure you it will be magnificent.  You’ll be so surprised, overwhelmed, and possibly nauseated.  I can’t wait to take pictures, but today was not that day.  There’s a ladder in the middle of my living room, a hole in the wall, and half painted stuff everywhere.  The dog is camouflage, but will only blend in with a band of gypsies.

FringeMan stole the show, possibly even from Benjamin Moore, when he brought home not one, but three fabulous old light fixtures.  He rewired an old farmhouse and replaced all the lighting fixtures.  Usually these fixtures go to the garbage, but I nearly died when he told me that he’s thrown out hundreds of the lights I love.  He now knows that all old lights must come home for inspection before going to junk heaven.  I am pleased to say that I have new lights for my living room, hallway (which is currently half done), and my daughter’s room.

Th-th-tha-tha-that’s all folks!

As long as the rain holds off, I’ll be painting the town red tomorrow or aqua…depends.

What have you been up to?

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M&M Topped Salads

6 Apr

If my food decisions were left to my taste buds, every meal would include cheese and there would be very few vegetables on my plate; however, in an effort to teach my children good eating habits, I have been attempting to dedicate one night a week to eating a salad for dinner.  A bowl of lettuce is not any more attractive to me than it is to my children, but I offer options to make the greens filling and exciting.  We always have raw almonds, sunflower seeds, and cheese that they can add.  In addition there’s usually some olives, fruit, and even leftover meat they can sprinkle on top.  Last night was full of options because we had ham and hardboiled eggs.  In the end it’s probably not even a healthy meal, but I try.

This is an actual conversation that took place last night while eating our salad.

FringeBoy plucked a plastic egg filled with M&M’s off the table and asked, “What do you think tastes better, a banana or M&M’s?”

My heart screamed M&M’s, but my brain reminded me that I was eating salad and required each of my children to eat half a banana alongside their breakfast this morning.  It was a struggle of mind and soul that left me feeling like the girl from Willy Wonka that turned into a giant blueberry after she insisted on eating the three-course meal gum.

My parental mind won and I said, “Oh a banana tastes good and it’s good for you.”

Unfortunately my son never accepts my first answer to any of his questions.  He is one of those children who must push you to question every decision you’ve ever made in life, including the decision to procreate.  So he upped the ante.

“If you were going to die and this was your last meal, would you eat a banana or M&M’s?”

Truth be told everyone knows that if it were my last meal, I would probably eat a pepperoni pizza with M&M’s on top.  Healthy choices mean little in the face of death.

Knowing that I couldn’t cave, I said with a confident tone, “Banana.”

The heavens parted and angels shouted in chorus, “Liar, LIAR, L-I-A-R!”

Hearing the angels, my son looked at me is disbelief and said, “So you’re gonna be in heaven saying, I should have just eaten the M&M’s.  That’s really dumb.”

He’s right.  I think I’ll just eat M&M’s on my salad next week.

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Blue Freckled Walls

5 Apr

Either you guys learned to read on decorating magazines or I do not watch nearly enough HGTV.  I asked for living room advice and you gave it to me.  I appreciate all the good ideas, emails, and in-depth comments.  I am only sorry that I have not been able to respond to each one of you who took the time to email me with options and links.  I am working my way through all the suggestions and deciding what will work for my family, room, and budget.  Just so you understand, my budget consists of a can of spray paint.

Don’t expect too much from me.

Your suggestions did make me think outside of my little shoe-box sized imagination and I can tell you FringeMan is quaking in horror.  I moved the furniture in my living room no less than five times and have become quite efficient at single-handedly dragging a futon across the room.  FringeMan dislikes all of my decorating ideas and automatically tries to talk me out of them.  He claims it is his duty to save me from myself; however, in the end, he comes around and usually winds up liking my creations or concoctions…depends how you look at it.  His only requirement is NO GREEN PAINT.  I failed three times and have five gallons of a horrible shade of mint as a reminder.

It’s free if you’d like it, but it may make you crave mint chocolate chip ice-cream.  In fact it looks a little like the color of this icing…trust me it tastes better than it looks.  I haven’t mastered mixing my own colors.

I recently learned something about myself that I’d like to share with you.

I can appreciate the finest of furniture and home decor, but having something that looks ‘perfect’ is just not me.  I want to love what I have and have what I love.  It doesn’t necessarily need to be in style, look like it came out of a magazine, or ever be featured on a decorating blog, it just needs to be practical for my family and loved by me.  I don’t look like I was dressed by Anthropologie and my house will never look like it was moved off an Ethan Allen showroom floor.  It’s just not me or my wallet.

I am ok with people coming to my house and shaking their heads in disapproval, as long as they are comfortable enough to prop up their feet and have a second cup-cake.

I also welcome guests with paintbrushes…just saying.

Right now I am hoping that blue speckled walls are in style for Spring.  Rubber bands make great designs on eggs, but when they snap off the egg while it is in a cup of dye, it sends blue speckles flying.  It’s like my room is covered in blue freckles.

I also want to clear up any confusion I may have caused over white floors.  I know I complain about mine often, but white is not always bad on the floor.  Granted the first floor of my house is a muddy nightmare, but my bedroom also has white plank floors and I love them.  They stay relatively clean and don’t require much maintenance.  It helps that every kid in the neighborhood isn’t running in and out and the dog is banned from my bedroom.  So if you’d like to do white floors in a low traffic area, I think it’s a great idea.

On that note, go paint something!

I am.

If you missed my living room post and need to know how not to arrange furniture, click HERE.

Thanks again for all the wonderful comments and suggestions!

Celebrate the Resurrection

4 Apr

1 Corinthians 15:14

And if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain.

Matthew 28:6a

He is not here: for he is risen, as he said.

Celebrate the resurrection of our Savior!  Happy Easter.

Freaky House Photo Friday – the evolution of my living room

1 Apr

This post has been edited to take part in Thrifty Decor Chick’s Before and After and My Frugal Family.  Go visit HERE and HERE.

When I learned that Julia from Hooked on Houses was hosting a Freaky House Photo Friday, I knew I found my destiny.  Finally an opportunity for the un-styled and ugly to shine!  We all have our place in this world and frankly, I get worn out looking at all of your perfect homes and rooms.  Blogland is filled with some of the best decorators and housekeepers on earth, but we can’t all be Martha.  I’ve tried.

As most of you know, the FringeFamily moved into a ‘new’ house last August.  We’ve been slacking working feverishly to beautify our world, but our house is just not ripped from the pages of Architectural Digest or Country Living.  I’m slowly coming to terms with that.  I’m also going to ask for your help…your ideas…your know-how, because I know you know how.

Let’s begin with the evolution of my living room.

Living Room As Purchased

This is our living room on closing day.  Paneling, drop ceiling, nasty foul-smelling carpet that maybe someone died on, and a crack smoking mirror – love at first sight.

The Other Side On Closing Day

For some unknown reason, God did not wire me with common sense.  Any woman in her right mind would have shuddered in horror, fired her realtor, and taken a therapuetic shopping trip.  I began stripping the walls .

Ugly Nasty Ceiling

Underneath the paneling, I found layers of wallpaper dating back to Paul Revere.  Well, maybe not that far, but there were a lot of layers.

Yes, that's me on the ladder.

The neighbor’s kids thought I was wrecking the house and for a brief moment, I thought they might be right.

The Mess

In an effort to spare future generations great agony, I vowed never to use wallpaper.

A Clean Room

Eventually my labor paid off and I birthed a clean, if somewhat sterile room.

The Other Side of Sterile

Unfortunately the hardwood floors could not be salvaged, so I painted them.  WHITE.  Only paint your floors white if you intend to cut off your feet.  Magazines lie.  A white floor could even cause Martha to yell uncle.

The Current Living Room

This is where I need your help.  I took this photo today, so it’s as current as it gets.  I even scrubbed that floor on my hands and knees before snapping this picture, but of course you can’t tell.  There are some things that I love about this living room and some things that I hate.

Where do I start?

Friends just reconfigured their living space and gave us their extra futon.  We are overjoyed considering we’ve been without a couch for nine months because I sold our couch prior to moving.  Notice all the furniture is mismatched?  That happens when you shop in other people’s garbage heaps, but I am open to painting anything and everything.

The dog's chair near the fireplace.

First I think the frames on the Norman Rockwell prints need to be painted black.  Do you agree?

Ever Changing Mantle

We intend to build bookcases into the wall flanking either side of this mantle.  I think it will give it more presence.  It will also house a flat screen TV.  Eventually even we will need to move out of the 80′s.

another view

I desperately want to add some aqua blue and red into this room.  I know it’s ridiculous and I’m trying to resist, but it is very difficult.  I think a solid light color futon cover would brighten up the room, and a few aqua and red flowered brightly colored pillows would perk things up.  Should I paint all the tables to match each other?

living room

The other issue is that I centered all the furniture on the fireplace and not on the windows.  Is that right or wrong?  When it’s centered on the windows, you feel completely off-balance when sitting on the furniture, because you are then looking at a cock-eyed fireplace.  Does that make any sense?

And yes, the curtains pull back.  I’m not sure why I didn’t open them for the pictures.

If anything in this room really represents my personal style, it would be the hodge-podge in this photo and the vintage travel poster that hangs above the fireplace.

So how do I make the space a little more cohesive without spending much money?

AND, how do I add a little aqua blue and red without looking ridiculous?

I don’t ask much of you, do I?  Please help my freaky room this Friday!  Any and all comments and suggestions are welcome.

For an update on the room, click HERE! Go see my new & improved look. :-)

Go visit Hooked on Houses for more nightmares.  AND Go visit Thrifty Decor Chick for some great before & afters.  My Frugal Family is also hosting a blog carnival with great make-overs.

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