Today I decided to share something different. I once had the idea of weaving truth with fiction and creating a novel about a woman married to a pastor who began secretly blogging her life. I thought it would be a light, funny book; however, I soon discovered it had no plot. Books need plots. Also, mixing truth with fiction can only get me into trouble. I had visions of an army full of church people hunting me down and burning me at the stake.
After only a few words, I scrapped the idea. Today I am resurrecting my few words and introducing you to the plotless and possibly unbelievable story of Patty, a minister’s wife who moves to a new town and begins blogging. Her blog is called Not My Life.
March 13, 2012
Privacy is for confessionals and fitting rooms, not my life.
Just don’t tell my husband Jack I am blogging or he will accidentally leave my laptop under the left rear tire of his black Ford super-duty truck.
Although he likes the idea of me spending my words on poor unsuspecting readers, he thinks it’s tacky for the minister’s wife to spill her soul, especially when it will linger in the eternal limbo of cyberspace.
My name is Patty. Jack is the new minister of Happy Valley Community Church. We have two children, one dog, and a Jeep that may or may not take us where we want to go. Life is coming up roses, but Poe (named after the poet) our Beagle/Dalmatian mix keeps digging them up.
Tom the mover just left. He is the first of my husband’s new parishioner’s to come to the parsonage.
I named the parsonage Crazy Acres. Our new house doesn’t actually sit on an acre of land, but Crazy Quarter-Acre doesn’t have the same ring. This flaky old house is about to get a facelift, or at least face paint.
Tom offered to break the legs of any church member who refuses to sign the approval to paint the parsonage. I believe Tom. He has at least three hundred pounds supporting him.
Besides the chippy paint, the parsonage isn’t bad. I mean not every minister’s wife welcomes guests through the front door and right into her bathroom. I like to think of it not as a bathroom, but as a ‘toiler’ – part foyer and part home of the toilet. You can’t really call it a bathroom, because there is no bath; however, it has the important accommodations, a toilet and a sink. It’s simply unfortunate the front door opens almost directly into the toilet.
I suspect God is sitting on His throne looking down on my throne and chuckling.
Painting the old house is not high on my list of priorities. I’d rather unpack; however, it’s important to the deacons, Ben and Larry. They want us to feel comfortable in Happy Valley, so tonight is the big vote. To buy or not to buy the paint, that is the question. Of course, we’ll have the pleasure of wielding the brushes ourselves.
I’m quite the painter. In high school I was known as Patty the Painter, only I used smaller brushes back then. I didn’t actually paint many walls, but I painted plenty of eyelids, loads of eyelashes, and quite a few nails.
I do hope Larry and Ben let me pick the paint color. Aqua is my favorite color. Think of your swimming pool. I’m not thinking of a late summer blue, but rather an early spring, shock the slime out of the pool bluish-green. I can’t think of a better color for 191 Lansing Lane, Happy Valley, New York.
Remember, it’s Not My Life.
Welcome to the Fifth Edition of Fiction Friday!
So glad you’re here. It is my hope that many of you will join us by linking your fiction post. Please read many of the links and be generous in your comments.
Help us share the opportunity by grabbing a Fiction Friday Button and proudly displaying it on your blog. We’d also love a tweet or stumble or facebook share. Some of the most skilled, prolific writers are bloggers, so let’s help each other out. Thank You!
Fiction Friday with The Domestic Fringe
The rules are as follows:
- Write fiction.
- Provide a link back to my Fiction Friday post right here on The Domestic Fringe.
- Add your specific URL to the green Mr. Linky
- Read other blogger’s fiction and give some comment love.
- Throw caution to the wind and take a chance.
Remember: Each of the linked works of fiction are original (Including my own!). They are not to be borrowed, copied, or reprinted in any way. Thank you for respecting each author’s original writing.
Now it’s your turn. Link up your fiction and we’ll come read!