This post is linked to Tuesday’s Unwrapped @ Chatting at the Sky. Visit for more stories.
Yesterday began innocently enough. FringeMan turned on his lovey-dovey voice, gazed into my eyes, and said “Do you want to come to work with me today?”
I’m wise to his game. He doesn’t want me around for company any more than he wants the dog tagging along. Turns out, he had wallpaper that needed to be stripped for a kitchen renovation he’s doing. I find it ironic that he’s renovating another woman’s kitchen while I am left counterless; however, he’s not giving her the things that I need – cabinet doors and countertops. She only gets lights and sheetrock from him, so I’m not whining.
Unfortunately I was a wretched wife wrapped in the sleepiness of her bathrobe and I told him that I had a lot of important things I HAD TO DO. Today. I gave him a kiss and my best tips for removing wallpaper and sent him on his way.
Lest you think I am always so heartless, I will prove you wrong. There have been many a cold day that I have helped run service wire on top of a mountain in order to get somebody’s electricity hooked up. I hung vinyl siding while pregnant and my neck is permanently cricked from holding boards of sheetrock on the ceiling while he screws them in. I work with him, just not this day.
He came walking back in the door two minutes later telling me the woman called in sick with the swine flu and he had to reschedule. Suddenly I was awake and ready to work. Nothing was so important that it couldn’t be put off until tomorrow.
I was dressed in five minutes and talked him into taking me out. Since we hung signs that said ELECTRICIAN – INSURED & PHONE # in every town between here and the closest good pizza place (a forty minute drive – we’re picky), it was more of a work date, but I’ll take what I can get. These signs, made of corrugated plastic, are fabulous. They are red and white and can be spotted a mile away. They were also my idea. I had 100 signs sent straight from Texas. I figure I deserve a paycheck since now I’m not only working as a ‘helper’, but also a publicist.
We tacked signs to every visible telephone poll between here and Canada. Ok, not quite that far, but far.
Sure enough, during dinner FringeMan’s phone starts ringing. You can imagine his surprise when it was the police department informing him that he is currently violating town ordinances and his name could potentially show up on America’s Most Wanted. I could just imagine him being pulled over while on a Sunday drive and spending the night in the local slammer, because that would happen. Make no mistake.
It would also appear in the paper and need explaining come Sunday morning church. Preachers doing jail time are not in vogue.
I’ll just say he was less than pleased to retrace his miles and remove the signs, but I am happy. I went out and had pizza.
I know what you’re thinking and yes, my life really is that lame.
Today I am thankful for the gift of a good husband – one who will exhibit self-control and not murder me for the giant box full of signs sitting in his office. A husband that takes me for pizza even when I refuse to remove another woman’s wallpaper.
If you’re new to the domestic fringe and have not yet met my husband, please click HERE.