Forget about the mother-of-the-year award. Who needs one more things to dust and polish.
Today is all about Mothering Mishaps. Now, don’t you dare let me go on thinking I am the only mom who screws-up from time to time. You better commiserate in the comments, because I am about to make you feel much, much better about yourself and your mad parenting skills.
I haven’t slept very well for the last week and a half. I am blaming my coughing, hacking, spitting daughter. Her room is right across the hall from my own and the hall is eighteen inches wide. I hear every last bark in the night.
If these antibiotics don’t start working soon, I’m going to get my money back. Don’t even get me started on the three bottles of over-the-counter cough medicine sitting on the shelf in my kitchen. They are nearly useless, and the only reason they are not completely useless is because when I shove a spoonful of the slimy liquid down her throat, she makes the funniest faces. That’s gotta be worth something.
Tired moms do mixed-up things, especially early in the morning, and I have been tired.
I don’t function well before 9 A.M. I just heard the collective gasp of three thousand morning people. I didn’t realize there were that many of you.
Let me clear something up. I do function before 9 A.M. I just don’t do it well.
The other night I tossed and turned. I had a headache and a coughing child. Perhaps the two were related, but I am not about to place extra blame on the kid in pigtails. She’d tell her shrink on me one day, or worse, her blog readers.
Sometime in the wee hours of darkness, I fell asleep and started dreaming of strange and unusual things. I would tell you all about my dream, but I failed to write it down before coffee and after coffee, the world clears. I rub the sand from eyes and remember nothing from the hours of darkness.
While I was in this dream, I realized I overslept. I remember popping one eye open and looking at my alarm clock. It was three-quarters past the hour and I knew I was in big trouble. My son should have been awake and in the shower forty-five minutes ago. I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs. The house was dark.
Oh, I thought. I’m going to have to drive him to school. I was sure he’d miss the bus, but me driving before coffee can get a little tricky.
I threw his bedroom door open and said, “Hurry, we’re late. I overslept!”
My poor kid jumps up like there’s a fire in the house and I’m telling him to run for his life. That’s when I saw his clock.
Four o’clock in the morning! That’s really not even morning, it’s four o’clock in the middle of the night, and I just dragged my son out of bed.
Some days there is no wonder to my insanity.
“You know what? Go back to sleep for a few hours. I’ll see you at six.”
And I walked out the door and back up to bed.
See. You feel pretty darn good about yourself right now. Don’t you.
I suspect my son will be teasing me about this one for many, many years to come.
Your turn. How come you’re not getting that mother of the year award?
P.S. Now you understand why I had to make THESE.