Why I’m Not Getting The Mother-of-the-Year Award

The only two goals I have for summer are sleeping late and going swimming.  For real.

I don’t even need a whole pack of markers to write those two things on a poster-board and make a fancy summer list, and it’s a good thing, because the markers have left the house.  Seriously.  Once there was a whole bucket of markers and now there are none.  It’s one of those family phenomenons that I will never understand.  Kind of like why there are no matching socks and why the laundry is never done.

Suddenly I feel like it’s full on summer.  I’m sweating and everything.  I would be loving life, except I still have to set my alarm for 6 a.m.  When it comes to school, there is no end in sight.  We still have field trips and tests and homework and papers to sign.

Last night my son told me he lost a book he was assigned to read for his ELA class (that’s English Language Arts for all of you don’t speak seventh grade abbreviations).  He never read a page of this book.  Not. One. Page.  Then he took a test and got a hundred.  I didn’t know whether to proud of him or to strangle him.  Both thoughts flashed through my mind and neither sounded like a bad option.

I am tired of telling my kids to do their homework.

Let’s all face reality and realize our kids aren’t going to learn anything from here on out.  May as well cancel the last three weeks of school, because at this point, no one is liking school.  Not even me, and I am the one who is singing and dancing through the school supply aisles in late August.

June is a big month.  There’s Father’s Day and then I am throwing both my kids a birthday party this month.  You remember, they had birthdays in December and January.  Ya, I’m not getting the Mother of the Year Award this year.

You can have it.

At least I’m getting the parties in within the six month mark.  That has to count for something, right?

We’re throwing a party in the park, because every time a child walks through my front door, I loose about a hundred square feet of space in my house.  If I let thirty kids in at the same time, my wavy floors may fall from the sheer weight of them all.  Notice I didn’t mention sound?  We’re not even going there.

So I called up the town to see if they cared if we partied in the park and they thought it was a genius idea.  It was a proud mommy moment.  I didn’t dare tell them my kid’s birthdays were six full months ago.  I just patted myself on the back and basked in the glory of my “genius”.

I don’t know what I’ll do if it rains.

I’m not even letting my brain go there.

If you think about it, pray for a drought in the middle of June.   Thank you very much.

All I know is that we’re having a party and I’m making dozens and dozens of cupcakes.  Beyond that, it’s all blurry.

My daughter has been watching Cake Boss on Netflix and thinks I should be able to recreate a four tier cake with fondant and edible sparkly shoes.

Here I am thinking my lollipop cupcakes were cute.

She’s also mad at me for not letting her ride her bike in the road.  She only “wants to ride in circles”, she says.

Ya, no.

She thinks I’m doing this because I don’t want her to grow up.  I just don’t want her to die under the front wheel of a Honda.  Coupled with the fact that she is allegedly the only kid in her class who doesn’t have cable TV,  she is sure I am sabotaging her entire youth and keeping her a baby forever.

For-ever.

Huh?  We’re having a birthday party and everything.  You’ve gotta be growing older by at least six months.

If you have any ideas for a party in the park for 5th and 7th graders, do not hold back.

Meanwhile this month, I’ll be dreaming of my two summer goals, especially the first.

What are your plans for the summer?

Are you kids out of school yet??

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Tricia Gillespie