Smells of Christmas

I felt the skin of my armpit stick together like a piece of double-sided tape had somehow made its way to the deep recesses of my underarm.  Beads of sweat broke out on my forehead and I went running as inconspicuously as possible through the crowded, candlelit church.  I bee-lined for the basement and ran full throttle into my mother.

“Oh, mom!  You made it out earlier than expected.”  I blurted a quick greeting while pushing her back into the ladies’ room.

“Mary,” draped in Biblical robes, was stealing one last check in the mirror before taking center stage in the manger.   I frantically lifted my arms and stuck my nose into my pit; my worst fears came to fruition.  Lady’s Speed stick failed me!

It was the worst case scenario.  I completely forgot to use deodorant.  My mother’s eyes bugged and she swung her head in shame as I announced that although I forgot to use deodorant, I took a shower within the hour.

“Do you think I smell already?”  The questioned mainly directed at the woman who birthed me.

Before I knew what was happening Mary popped her nose into the pits and stamped my forehead with a seal of approval.  Thankfully I used gobs of Fig and Brown Sugar body cream.  I just didn’t want to smell like a casserole gone bad by the end of the service.

When ”Mary” declared me presently fresh, a chuckle escaped one of the stalls.  Oh, no, tell me it’s not a guest!

“Lord, of all nights – on this eve of your son’s birth, please let me know the face behind the chuckle.”  This short, but fervent prayer lifted heavenward as my mouth questioned “Who’s in there?”

If there were ever a time I needed a long-lasting deodorant, it was tonight.  I bragged of my Christmas laziness this year; however, my pre-Christmas preparation was not so lounge-worthy.  I prepared all the refreshments for the fellowship time directly following the candlelight service Christmas Eve.  I set up the chairs, decorated the serving table, and enticingly displayed the food.  Food must look lovely even if it doesn’t taste yummy.

Now on the eve of the biggest holiday of the year – the I hug my friends, foes, and family holiday – I forget my deodorant!

Thankfully I remembered to shower.

Here’s wishing you a fresh smelling Christmas.

Originally posted in 2008


  1. Oh my goodness – I’m cracking up!

  2. Do not fear, lady. I’ve got eighteen bars of soap from my sister. You can borrow one because I like you :)

  3. You crack me up, and your Mom’s comment makes me realize where you get it from. Hope your Christmas was wonderful and maybe you did get deodorant in your stocking. : )

  4. I think I know what will be in your stocking this Christmas!! That is so awesome!! I’m so thankful that I’m not the only one who has done something like this!! One time last year at school I had to go to the school nurse and get a travel-size deodorant because I had forgotten to put it on before leaving the house. I left it in my desk drawer with my Burt’s Bees, hand lotion, spare change, spare gum and a key to something I couldn’t remember.

    You are such a wonderful blessing! Have a joyful Christmas with your family. You are such a wonderful blessing!!

  5. Ha! I bet you smelled just lovely. Too funny. I keep deodorants in the drawers of the desk of every office I use. Once a male doctor used my desk at the RTF, and he took out the deodorant and waved it around at the nurse’s station and said, “What’s this?” I left him a xeroxed sheet from Wickipedia describing the the history of deodorant and what it is used for. Yeesh.

  6. You crack me up!

  7. There’s nothing like the most pristine of days and nights of the year, the most reverential, to drive us to stories of B.O. (here) and farts and butts (at my place.) Here’s hoping God has a great sense of humor!

  8. LOL nice timing! Sounds like you made it through unscathed. I hope your holiday was a very smelly…errrrr…merry one!

  9. How funny! I’m glad I’m not the only one who forgets my deo sometimes.

  10. And just KNOWING that you had no deoderant on would cause much unwanted nervous perspiration, and so on and so on………
    You are BRAVE Girl!

  11. Yes, I proudly claim her as my daughter. I once dropped her from my arms to pick up the phone and she fell on her head—maybe that explains everything.

  12. Oh, that’s even worse than drinking coffee on the way to church and arriving to find that you’re out of mints.

    Hypothetically speaking, of course. ;)

  13. Thanks for the laugh! I know it wasn’t funny for you at the time, but it gave me a good laugh reading it. I hope everything else went smoothly!

  14. ROFL! I have so been in that spot. Albeit, not in the presence of “Mary” with a mysterious chuckle wafting from behind the stall.

    Great retelling!

  15. Hey, with all the craziness and the prep work leading up to this night, you’re bound to forget something.

  16. You crack me up so bad! Love ya!

  17. NOT the smells I was expecting…but you knew that. Wicked girl!

    The Texas Woman

  18. Shame on you! I have a headache and you’re making me laugh! and giggle, oh, gotta go to the……


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