Tag Archives: fitness

A Daughter & A Dress

29 May

My kids are still on a very long Memorial Day weekend break.  They had a few extra snow days they didn’t use, so this holiday is turning into a mini summer vacation.  It feels like July, so it’s fitting the kids are off and begging to play in water, any water will do.  To them a mud filled puddle of road drain-off is just as good as the town’s chlorinated pool that will not be open for at least another month.

With temperatures in the mid-to-high 80′s, we’re throwing sweaters into trash bags (because my great mission organization hasn’t found my closets yet) and digging out summer clothes.  Eighty-six degrees feels like sauna when you experience frozen rain in the same calendar month.

That’s why when my mom, myself, and my kids stopped in a store this weekend, I grabbed a few pairs of $7.88 shorts and headed into the fitting room.  My mistake is I brought my daughter, the loose lips of honesty, into the fitting room with me.

I’ve recently lost fifteen pounds and I’m at peace with my fat.  Sure I could subject myself to boot camp style exercise and Jillian Michaels, but I don’t have a death wish just yet.  I’m perfectly content to take long evening walks with my family, rather than being screamed at by my DVD (I started to type VCR) player.  I respect Jillian’s prowess in the world of fat-burning, but if I wanted to be on the biggest loser, I would not have spent the last six  weeks eating ten bunches of bananas, four pounds of almonds, and three dozen fried, but not in butter eggs.

I don’t have cholesterol problems in case you’re wondering.  I once had a doctor tell me I had the cholesterol of a teenager.  I still ask God why I couldn’t just have the metabolism of a teenager, but He is eerily silent.

The first pair of not-so-short shorts fit perfectly, were $7.88, and a neutral color.  I was all set to make them my summer uniform when my daughter scrunched up her face and shook her head.

“What? Don’t you think these will work?”

“Well…”  She said and I knew any ounce of pride over those lost fifteen pounds was about to get flushed down the toilet.

“It’s just that when people get to your age, they shouldn’t be wearing that.  And, your legs don’t look so good.”

Remind me why I carried a nine and a half pound child around in my stomach and then labored to birth this mammoth baby of truth.

Needless to say I didn’t buy any shorts or shirts or any other summery articles of clothing.  I’ll either work with what I’ve got or sell my daughter on eBay and buy the shorts.  Maybe they’ll be on clearance by then.

Anyway, because I lost fifteen pounds and because I still need to join a leg fat recovery group, I’m giving away a dress.  You’ve seen this dress before, but I promise I’ve never worn it other than in these photos.  I went to throw it on this weekend, but it’s too big on me, so I thought one of you might be able to use it.

Here is a photo of me in the dress back when it was way too cold to even think about wearing it.

Cruise Dress Fresh Produce

Why I love this dress:

1. It’s cotton.

2. It’s easy, just throw it over it over head, no fussing involved.

3. It’s washable – always a plus when you live in my house.

4. The little ruffle on the bottom flounces up and down when you walk down a flight of stairs. So cute! I’d buy it just for the ruffle.

This is an Augustine Sunshine Dress from Fresh Produce.  You can follow the link and see all the details.  This dress is a size Large and runs true to size.

If you’d like to be entered in a drawing to receive this dress, please let me know in your comment that you WANT the dress.

There are NO RULES to this giveaway, but I would appreciate it if you could hit the “LIKE” button on The Domestic Fringe’s Facebook page.  You’ll find the little box in the right sidebar and I would also appreciate your sharing this post somehow.  I don’t know how many of my readers would fit into or want this dress and I’d like to get it to someone who will enjoy it.

Thanks so much!

If you’re ever feeling a little too good about yourself, just let me know.  I’ll send my daughter right over. ;-)

10 Things I’ve Learned about Dieting

16 May

I’m on a diet.  That should be explanation enough for any weird moods and hallucinations of cheeseburgers. I find myself googling every yummy food known to man in order to get a calorie count, only to realize I cannot eat it, because diets only let you eat the caloric equivalent of a piece of unbuttered toast and water.

Source: google.com via Tricia on Pinterest

I’m beginning to think liposuction doesn’t sound so bad after all.   So what if they have to gash a whole in your body, insert a vacuum hose, and suck until they hit bone, it’s gotta be an outpatient procedure nowadays.  Doesn’t it?  The only drawback is I have every bit of confidence that I could replace all that fat within a year.  That, and then there’s the money, and the cutting.  Ya, I should never underestimate someone taking a scalpel to my skin.

So I’m back to being on a diet.  This time it’s for real.  It’s not just a reconnaissance mission to take back my thighs.  I’m taking back my whole chubby self, double chin and all.  I hope there’s an exchange policy on flab.

Source: google.co.uk via Tricia on Pinterest

I’m down twelve pounds.  Doesn’t seem like much, but I did fit comfortably back into a pair of jeans I haven’t worn in quite some time.  The bummer is I’ve decided I hate the jeans.  Go figure!  It’s just my luck.  I’m stuck wearing jeans that are a size too big or jeans I hate.  Now I’m going to have to lose another size so I can justify buying a new pair.  That’s all there is too it.

Here are some things I’ve learned since being on a diet.

1.  Calories count, so count your calories.  (I just made that up this second, but doesn’t it sound like a slogan from a diet plan?)

Source: tumblr.com via Tricia on Pinterest

2.  You can sit by and watch your family eat goodies and say NO.  You will live to have another Oreo cookie.

3.  Exercise can be as simple as taking a walk with your family, but don’t overestimate the amount of calories you burned on your walk.  It was probably like ten.

Source: media.photobucket.com via Tricia on Pinterest

4.  Food is not your enemy, appetite is your enemy.  What you need and want you want are drastically different.

5.  Eat foods that are full of good things like fiber and protein.

6.  If you’re hungry, drink some water and wait a while.  If you’re still hungry, eat something, but make sure the calories are counted in your overall total for the day.

7.  Eat for the right reasons.  In my family, we tend to overeat just because something tastes good.  “It tastes so good” is not enough reason to eat more.

8.  Fad diets are not for me.  I won’t stick to them for more than three days.  I have to eat regular (to me) foods or else I won’t achieve long-term success.  Translate:  Find a meal plan that works into your budget, lifestyle, and taste.

Source: someecards.com via Tricia on Pinterest

9.  No one may notice your accomplishments, but keep going.  Brainwash your child into telling you, at least once a day, you look thinner.

10.  Make baby step goals.  If I tell myself that I need to lose twenty pounds, I’ll quit before I even start.  So I tell myself five pounds and then another five.  I’m three pounds away from my next goal.

Believe me, I’m no dieting expert.  I’m one of those women who actually enjoys eating, and it’s downright shocking how much food I can consume when I don’t stop myself.  I do not have a fast metabolism and dare I admit this, being a bit overweight doesn’t even bother me that much when I look in the mirror.  I don’t care enough to lose the weight.  What makes me diet from time to time is that I feel bad when I’m overweight.  Carrying around an extra ten, fifteen, or twenty pounds makes a huge difference.  It’s a difference I can feel when I’m sitting down and bending over.  It’s uncomfortable and I hate being uncomfortable in my own skin.

I don’t think weight management is necessarily about a number.  It’s about getting to a place where you feel good.  I suspect when you feel good, you’ll look good too.

Source: someecards.com via Tricia on Pinterest

So how about you share your accomplishments, or maybe what you’ve learned about dieting?

If you’re one of those girls who can eat a cow without even getting a gas bubble, don’t tell me please.  Jealousy isn’t good for my soul. ;-)

Just so you know I didn’t jump off a bridge…

25 Jan

Ok, last post was pretty depressing.  Sorry about that.  I’m taking full liberty with my calendar and blaming it on January, but I have birthday party for my son this weekend and there’s no time to be sad and moody.

This may be the most random post in the history of the fringe, but work with me people.  The last post had me giving up on life.  This has to be an improvement.

*  I’ve discovered the cure for stomach problems that have plagued me for years.  I have what they term IBS.  I won’t get into it, because it would be like discussions around a holiday table with my family.

Just know that heartburn and other issues plague me, no matter what I eat; however, I started a diet on January 2.  Don’t get excited, because I’ve only lost 4 pounds.  You can tell I cheat a lot.

image via Pinterest

My point is that on the days I’m on my diet, I eat about 6 times throughout the course of the day, but I only consume about 1400-1500 calories.  That means I eat really low-calorie, but filling things in small portions.  It totally cures my stomach ills.  The moment I over-eat or just eat 3 normal size portions, I’m sick.  It’s incredible.

Who knew I would have to become a bird after I turned thirty.  No one told me!

image via Pinterest

* I really am trying to stick to my diet, but it’s hard.  You know?  I’m more like a turkey than I am a parakeet.  FringeMan wishes I was more of a love bird, but that’s another story.

* I’m thinking all “love” posts for February.  Now don’t get panicky and jump ship (no offense Mr. Italian Captain), because I’m not going mushy for a whole month.  There’s lots to love in this world, and I’m trying to tap my elusive creative side.

* I’ve decided that I want a really cute new pair of shoes and a new bag for my birthday.  My birthday is in February, but I’ll probably shop in April or so.  That’s what happens when your birthday is after Christmas and both your children’s birthdays.  It’s all good with me though.  I think it prolongs the aging process.  I gain a few months, because a birthday isn’t a birthday until you’ve bought yourself a present.

Someone needs to write that down and claim it.

*  I don’t know where to shop for cute shoes and a bag.  I’m looking for stylin’, groovin’, chic, classy, comfortable, cute, trendy shoes.  I’m thinking Anthropologie on a Payless budget.

Help a girl out.  Suggest a few places please.

I know Payless has some cute shoes.  I’ve seen them on bloggers, but my Payless pretty much specializes in sneakers and lame-oh shoes.  Sorry Payless.  I know you purchase especially for the clientele you sell to, but there are a few of us who don’t where our pajamas grocery shopping.

Maybe that was mean, but I’ve taken to counting how many people I see in pj’s in Wal-Mart.  Is that snobby of me?

I simply have a difficult time understanding why people want to be seen in public looking like that.  I hide from mirrors in my own home when I look like that.

* I bought a box of ‘Cuties’ at the grocery store today.  Everyone’s been raving about them.  So far they live up to their name, but I haven’t eaten one yet.  I’ll let you know.

Now it’s your turn – What’s the random in your life?

And, don’t tell me if you wear pajamas to the grocery store.

Ok, you can tell me, but I’m adding another check mark to my list and you’ll end up in my total number of pj wearers.  Just a warning. ;-)

Thank you all for your kind comments yesterday.  I appreciate each of you.

An Army of Ermas Day

9 Aug

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.
Erma Bombeck

Last Christmas a friend and fellow blogger, Janna of Something She Wrote, alerted me to a contest over at An Army of Ermas.  I submitted a ridiculous story about splurging for ugly at Christmas and my Christmas trees always being skinnier than I am.  By some Christmas miracle, I won the chance to become an Erma.

I definitely feel like a freshman wanna-be writer in a crown of accomplished seniors, but being an Erma is a blast.  Everyone rallies with kind words and funny comebacks, making me feel right at home.

No one is more supportive and encouraging than our editor Stacey Graham.  She is an amazing woman, mom, and author.  She gets more work done at home with her kids running around than just about any other woman I know.  I both admire her and want to learn from her.

One thing I appreciate about Stacey is her sense of humor.  I guess that’s why she’s the mother of all Ermas.  She has a knack for being lighthearted even when she has to correct you.

So on this An Army of Ermas Day, I want to say a big Thank You to Stacey for keeping a smile on our faces and humor in our hearts.

Thanks Stacey!  We appreciate all your hard work.

———————————————————————

When I began writing this blog, I never dreamed I’d have the honor to be named among the Ermas.  I simply wrote to tell my story.  This is a post from my first month blogging…

Last night I dreamed that I was riding a bicycle in a triathlon. I awoke so excited! What a breakthrough!

This means that since I’ve begun exercising in my subconscious, it’s only a matter of time before my innate desire for athletics permeates my conscience.

Things are looking up!

I’ll have to check my calves and see if they’re subconsciously tightening.  While I’m talking fitness…Have you heard of the “Fit-Flop?”  I hadn’t until yesterday when a woman walking her black lab stopped me and asked to see my flip-flops.

Imagine my surprise.

After all I wasn’t wearing my fancy, canary yellow flip-flops. I was wearing my generic rubber, pink Speedo flip-flops. Now these aren’t as grungy as the foam flat flip-flops (the kind that are about as thick as a slice of cheese), but they’re not in the sandal category either (not like my canary yellow flip-flops).  They are, however, quite sporty and after all the exercise I’ve getting in my sleep, it was appropriate I wear them yesterday.

When somebody asks to see my shoes, of course I oblige them.  I lifted up my pants leg (jeans are always too long on me and I despise hemming) and wished I didn’t have dirt between my toes already. It was still too early in the day for toe dirt.

Disappointedly this dog walker says, “Oh, they’re only Speedos.”

Suddenly I’m flashed back to middle school when I wore fake Keds…the kind you bought in the grocery store for a few bucks.  Such sadness.

She goes on to say, “I thought they were FIT-FLOPS”.

Now she’s talking my language.

It seems these fit-flops provide extra exercise while performing normal activities such as walking through the grocery store.  I have to own a pair!  Maybe two.  Why with a triathlon workout by night and fit-flops by day, I’ll be twenty pounds thinner and in a bikini before the snow flies.

—————————————————————————

Have you ever read Erma Bombeck?

What’s your favorite thing she wrote?

P.S.  I still don’t have a pair of Fit-Flops.

P.P.S.  I still wish I had a pair of Fit-Flops.

P.P.P.S.  I’m still only exercising in my dreams.

I’m giving you the super-sized nuggets.

12 Apr

I guess I could have split this post into several bite size nuggets, but I’m giving you the whole super-sized nugget pack.  We’re talking the McDonald’s twenty piece.  Did you want fries with that?

  • This week I realized that if I were an attorney, I would be a public defender.
    • My kids, especially my daughter, are intrigued with the book Poop Happened: A History of the World from the Bottom Up.  To be honest, even I’m reading the book.  There’s a lot to learn from poop. I didn’t think those words would ever come from my mouth.

    • This weekend I solidified my position of ‘Biggest Dork in NY’.  I’m tempted to say in the U.S. or maybe even in the world, but I hold out hope that there are those dorkier than myself.  I actually purchased this bike-less cycle thingie for about $20.  It’s my attempt to right the wrongs of a fat plagued world.  Or maybe just my fat plagued world.
    • So far I love it.  My feet don’t fit in those stirrups though, so I flip them around and use the stirrupless side.  I’m talented like that.  However, I did warn my feet to go on a diet…or else.  Because I have no carpets, this little contraption slides, so I push it up against a wall and then plant myself on a chair within reach of the pedals.  Now my chair slides.  I guess I can live with scooting up every ten minutes or so; however,  I did consider screwing a two-by-four into the floor behind my chair.  It’s not the most stylistic move, but it would solve my problem.
    • I’m wondering if I have the kind of face that invites ridicule.  On Saturday two complete strangers made fun of me.  A very random man passing me actually stopped to comment (in a corny way) on my freckles.  Yes, I have spots.  Perhaps I should wear a sign that reads, “I’m Part Dalmatian.”  The second culprit was a kid working in Wal-Mart.  I’ll forgive him, because he was kinda funny.  I just find it interesting that people outside my circle of family and friends think it’s ok to make fun of me.  I must not look very menacing.  I’m going to work on my mean face.  Next time you see me, I’ll look like this…

    • I’m in love with the American Girl movies.  My daughter and I watched Kit Kittredge and Felicity.  Both great movies.  I’d definitely recommend them if you have a little girl.
    • I’m thinking about starting a new blog day – Thankful Thursday.  No real rules.  The title says it all.  Would you be interested or is there already something like this going on in blogland?  If you know of something, please let me know.  Or if you’re interested, let me know that too.  If enough people are interested, I’ll put up a linky.

    Now that the nuggets are done, you need apple pie.  Or maybe cherry?

    I promise not to serve up the twenty pack of nuggets again anytime soon.  I guess I just had a lot to say.  Or maybe I’m craving McDonalds?  No, definitely not that!

    Excuse me while I go make mean faces and pedal my way to a fat-free existence.

    The Most Boring Person Ever

    10 Mar

    This week I am the most boring person ever.  My highlight post is the crazy crackle nail job.  How very sad is that?

    It’s just that life is standing completely still in this first part of March.  I’m actually taking the kids to the mall later just to get some exercise.  I’ll be the one wearing the sweatband and racing grandma to Macy’s.

    I won’t really wear a sweatband.

    Sigh in relief.

    I am determined to purchase a piece of exercise equipment before next winter.  I like a treadmill best because they are versatile – walk, run or crawl.  Unless I start skiing every  weekend (I’ve never actually been skiing), it’s impossible for me to get any outdoor exercise.  Walking anywhere cannot happen until the big melt.  Our roads are half their normal size making walking in the road dangerous (not to mention lack of visibility from snow mounds), and sidewalks are an icy, slushy, mess (the walks that are actually shoveled).

    We are turning to Jello and not the good kind.  We’re a flavor like pistachio.  We look similar to moldy brain ooze.

    We must ooze out of our front door now, exclusively.  The snow, ice pack is slowly sliding off the back roof, making walking to the car a suicide run.

    You might think I am using this spare time to clean the closets, eliminate the dust bunnies multiplying under my bed, or just being creative, but I am not.

    I’m more like a big red bathrobe clad bear slowly rubbing winter’s sleep from her eyes.

    Only I haven’t used up winter’s stored fat.

    What have you been doing with your March?

    To completely change the subject…

    I’d like to begin reading some memoirs.  Any suggestions?

    Note: All photos were taken a couple of weeks ago while visiting my mom.

    Time To Think of The Thighs

    4 Feb

    Hey, I’m over at An Army of Ermas today.  Can you believe they let me write for them?

    I’m shocked too.

    Come on over for a visit.  It’s about time we thought about our thighs.

    Besides, you look like you need a laugh!

    See you THERE.

     

    Today I…

    8 Jul

    Today I…

    ate a few M&M’s.

    Now don’t start wagging your finger in my face, because I’ve been doing really well in the food department.  I’ve eaten more oranges and bananas than the giant gorilla at our local zoo, but tonight I had to have a few M&M’s – only a few.

    I also went swimming in a real pool, not the back of a pick-up.  The water was spectacular.  I am definitely counting it as exercise, because I swam laps, did leg lifts, and acted like I was in a geriatric water-aerobics class.  Therefore my M&M’s are canceled out.

    FringeMan says I’m like the guy on the TV commercial who is riding an exercise bike while drinking in order to cancel out the calories for drinking, except I am eating.  It’s possible that you may see me doing jumping-jacks while chewing a steak.  Unfortunately I cannot guarantee I will not be in public.

    I also almost sent my daughter to reform school, a convent, the pound, or anyplace that would take her on short notice.  After coming out in my new swimsuit, she took one look at me and said, “Wow, you look pregnant.”

    Then she said, “I wish that bathing suit came in another color.”

    Wolf-spiders eat their young.

    Seriously, I have a lot of problem areas (namely my marshmallow legs), but I do not look pregnant.  Thankfully my son stood up for me and said, “I saw her pregnant and she didn’t look like that.  I remember.”

    Moving on…

    I am also thinking about painting these cute little owls I purchased for seventy-five cents.  I have three, but now I wish I had bought them all.  Regret is a terrible thing, even on twenty-five cent items.

    I am also praying about something big.  Part of this prayer includes earning an extra thousand dollars this month.  Remember the parting of the Red Sea, the Flood, the Water into Wine?  Greater things have happened.  So will you pray with me please?

    Hey, you have not, because you ask not.  It says that in the Bible.

    Are you asking God for anything?

    Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

    6 May

    “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the thinnest girl of all?”

    The day I lost my skinny mirror, my life shattered.

    Ok, maybe that’s a tad exaggerated, but STILL!

    Once, my mirror reflected my lumps and bumps as straight lines and smooth surfaces.  I loved this mirror almost as much as I loved my shaper pantyhose.  During certain ghastly times when I was feeling bloated, I’d run upstairs and sneak a glance.  Even my fat outfits would look slim-lined in this mirror.

    My family knew this was mommy’s mirror, a treasure to be guarded.  If ever there were a fire, someone else had better grab the scrapbooks, because one of my arms would carry a child and the other, my mirror.

    Each day I would leave the house full of confidence and with an air of pride.  I was looking good, and I knew it.  My beloved mirror would never lie.

    Until one day I offered to redesign my church’s boring nursery.  The toddler’s were screaming, because of the lack of color, texture, and toys.  With help from a friend, I hung orange and white checkered curtains, plastered bright and vibrant bugs all over the walls, decorated with puppets, and hung a mirror horizontally at a two year-old’s eye level.

    Since I knew hanging anything with glass is tricky business, I recruited my husband to help.  His experience is vast, including chandeliers, outdoor lights, and my skinny mirror.  I never once considered that he could shatter the look of my hips with one swing of the hammer, but the unfortunate happened – the frame broke.  My husband looked to me and said, “Do you have another mirror?”

    My head spun through the options…I could run to Wal-Mart, but I’m out of time and money…I could call everyone I know within a two-mile radius and see if they have a mirror…

    “How about the mirror that is hanging in our bedroom?  We could trade it for this broken one.” My husband suggested, interrupting my thoughts.

    I gasped.  My heart skipped a beat and my hand came automatically to my mouth.

    “Not my skinny mirror.” I pleaded.

    After my husband made me feel the guilt of breaking ten children’s hearts, I sacrificed my mirror on the altar of poopy diapers.  I am convinced not one of those two-year old’s appreciates seeing his thin face as much as I did seeing my thin hips.

    I lost my skinny mirror and that is why I am on a diet.

    That is why I am hungry.

    That is why I am cranky.

    Quick, somebody get me a new mirror!

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    M&M’s & Weight Loss

    12 Nov

    It all started a few weeks ago when I received an email inviting me to become part of a secret society.  This secret society was to promote health and fitness and motivate us to not only lose weight, but to become physically fabulous.  It was hard not to catch a bit of the organizer’s enthusiasm; however, when I realized that I was going to have to admit not only my weight, but also my measurements to this secret society, enthusiasm went out the window to make room for common sense.

    It is only natural for a woman to protect two things – her age and her weight.

    It’s what keeps her a mystery to the opposite sex and I have worked overtime to brainwash my children into thinking I am still in my twenties.  My husband gets so confused that he occasionally demands to see my driver’s license.  I step on my scale only when I am in a shroud of solitude, and although my husband isn’t delusional, he thinks I weigh my less than my scale.  That’s why I married him.  Granted he’s not blind enough to think I am Barbie, but he also doesn’t see Mrs. Potato Head when I am draped on his arm.

    My doctor once called to schedule me for an MRI and he told them I was a full THIRTY pounds less than truth.  That man is immortalized.  He will forever be on my Christmas list.  I’ve nominated him for doctor of the year.

    So imagine my surprise when I discovered that these women wanted numbers and real numbers.  I would have bailed, but it was too late.  The health and fitness queen is now hot on my trail and checks up on me after I go silent for a few days.  I’m silent because my mother told me not to talk with a full mouth.  I haven’t seen the little arrow move much on my scale, but I am proud to say that I’ve lost three inches.

    I got a hair cut.

    Monday I realized that I sabotage my own efforts to slim down.  This ‘Aha’ moment came while I was jogging.  After popping the fifth peanut M&M into my mouth, I realized that I exercise to eat.  Does any clear thinking woman pop M&M’s while jogging?  It’s beyond bizarre.

    Every quarter block run equals one peanut M&M.  I’m sure I saw this in a Weight Watcher’s add.

    Now before you think that I am an anomaly, I missed lunch and was absolutely starving.  As I walked out the door, I turned to the only thing that was available – my daughter’s bucket of Halloween candy.

    Diet Rule #1  Rid your house of your children and their snacks.

    They will work as Satan’s tempters asking for things like maccaroni & cheese, ice-cream, and cup-cakes.  A hungry woman can only resist so many Oreo cookies.

    The worst part of this ‘fitness journey’ is that I’ve lost the 3×5 card that has my beginning measurements in permanent ink.  I fully expect it to resurface in the hands of my children, who will be begin reading off body parts and numbers when I have house full of company.  I am on the precipice of my worst nightmare becoming reality and I have no power to stop fate.  I’ve scoured the house in search of that card and it remains elusive.

    If only my fat vanished as easily…

    Your ever hungry, but constantly slimming,

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