Tonight as we were eating dinner, my husband asked, “Where is that draft coming from?” It’s seemed cold in the house today and he thought perhaps one of our basement windows blew out. That happened back in January. The force of the snow coming from the neighbor’s snowblower blew out a window and our pipes [...]
My son had a birthday party this weekend. Eleven teenagers did not just fill my living room, they consumed it. The life (and noise) emanating from my little house probably registered on someone’s Richter scale. Then I fed them pizza, Doritos and Mountain Lightening (hey, I’m cheap. at least I bought the real Doritos.). Once [...]
It’s January. I know, news flash, right? You have a calendar too. I get it, but it’s January. This she-bear can only hibernate for so long before she gets a little stir crazy, and by “stir crazy” I mean I’m grasping at any reason to leave the house. I may have waited outside in the [...]
Did I ever tell you about the time I poisoned a missionary? No? Funny how some things just slip my mind. Till this day, I don’t feel bad about it. He was pretty merciless with me. Picked on me constantly, even though he and his sweet family were staying in our house, the Maine house. [...]
She’s in an antique bank vault and it has nothing to do with today’s story. Of course it doesn’t. I’ve got this award girls, so quit trying. I am well on my way to winning the Worst Mother-of-the-Year Award. I think it’s December. I seem to have troubles in this month. Perhaps there’s just [...]
Friends, this is all absolute truth. If you ever want to celebrate an ugly Christmas, I am your stylist. Call me for a Christmas 411 and I shall bring my magic bag filled with all kinds of ugly surprises. I’m talented that way. After several years of living on a shoestring budget, I decided that [...]
Being a woman isn’t easy. It’s mostly the hair. It’s a part-time job keeping up with the hair. A thankless job, I might add. We’re overwhelmed by hair and most of it needs to be removed. The rest has to be dyed. Nobody ever compliments us on how well we shave our legs or how [...]
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the thinnest girl of all?” The day I lost my skinny mirror, my life shattered. Ok, maybe that’s a tad exaggerated, but STILL! Once, my mirror reflected my lumps and bumps as straight lines and smooth surfaces. I loved this mirror almost as much as I loved my [...]
Last night we were in the doctors. My son has a sinus infection and we managed to get the very last appointment of the day. When the nurse asked how long he’s had symptoms, I said, “It began on Friday.” My son, the one who if I say the sky is blue must say it’s [...]
Living in The Now – a look at life in the present Five thirty is being very unkind to me. I’m not a morning person by nature (you would know that if you saw me stumbling around with my eyes half-open) and my husband works odd hours. This summer when the kids and I [...]
I already screwed up sixth grade and we’ve only had orientation. It wasn’t quite as bad of a mess-up as the time I chicken danced my way into the slow cooker after a school performance that my kid wasn’t in. No, that was worse, but probably only because I made my husband sit through two-thirds [...]
Sometimes when the sun shines, I get crazy ideas. Today, I’m over at Fancy Little Things talking about the time I decided (on a whim) to leave a love note in my husband’s vehicle. He was on the job and the poor guy said he felt like “Joseph fleeing Potipher’s wife”, only I guess in [...]
Last night I was lamenting photo-less weekend. “Now I won’t have a Hello Monday post for tomorrow.” My son, the one who used the word auspicious in conversation just moments earlier said, “Have a Mom Monday instead.” Now that’s not a bad idea, but it would require my children to do something funny, because let’s [...]
This morning, I showered with a bag on my head. Too much information? Not only does my husband go get my thigh busting videos from the library, but he also gets me a shower-caps at eleven o’clock at night. Only, there’s not a shower cap to be found in my town at that time of [...]
Have you ever heard “Taps” played on a kazoo? No? Me either, until recently. The tune is about as mournful and haunting as a kazoo can be, and believe me, I’ve been haunted by a kazoo for a quite a few years now. One of my earliest childhood memories is of my mom, eyes [...]
My grandmother (who passed away several years ago) gave me a bracelet for Mother’s Day. This year! I was as surprised as you, but on Saturday night, I found a white box with a paper lid and it said, “To mom. From FringeKid (only she used her real name) and great-grandma.” Inside was a [...]
