Tell All – Confession Time

Today I tell all.

Or at least a few things you may not have known about me.  It’s confession time on The Fringe.

I thought I would take this opportunity to get to know you a little bit better, but it’s hard for me to entice you into spilling your guts in the comments, so I’m going to go first.

After this, you should feel sufficiently guilted into leaving a comment and telling me all sorts of fun facts about you.

Even all you blog stalkers.  Don’t pretend; you know who you are.

Friend Graphic with two owls sitting on a branch

A Few Fun Facts

I eat popcorn.  Lots of it.  Sometimes with butter, sometimes with salt, but lately, I’ve taken to eating it with Parmesan/Romano cheese sprinkled on top.  I love popcorn and think it should be a food group.

My son thinks I have ADD.  He told me.  Shouldn’t the psycho-analyzing go mother-to-son and not the other way around?

I get locked out of my online banking account often, at least once a month.  My bank makes me feel like a thief, dressed in all black, sitting behind my computer screen.  I am innocent, I tell you.  Innocent!

I look guilty.  A lot.  Every time I drive past a police officer.  I don’t know why, but my face screams guilt.  Perhaps it’s the online banking thing or the time I may have stolen a cactus.  Either way, I need to let go of the guilt.

I am bad with dates.  I forget my own anniversary.  It’s a crying shame.  Good thing FringeMan has a calendar in his head.  He remembers the date of the first time he went potty in the toilet like a big boy.  Kidding.  But, he may.

I wore Wonder Woman Underoos when I was a kid.  Any other Underoo fans out there?

Source: google.com via Tricia on Pinterest

I cough all the time.  When I’m in public, people sometimes look at me like I have the Bubonic Plague.  My kids say they follow the cough.  That’s how they find me stores.  I’m ok, really.

Once, for a college class, I read a whole book written in Spanish.  Then I wrote a report, in Spanish, on said book.  I didn’t understand one word.  I passed.  God had mercy on me.

I was stuck in an elevator in the Empire State Building once.  In the summer.  With lots of other people.  It wasn’t fun.

While in the Statue of Liberty, a stranger spit a big hock-a-loogie in my hair.

I watched as a man set fire to a street.  Yes, the entire street.  You can read that here.

For much of my life, walking was synonymous with falling.

I wore braces for four very long years and I didn’t even have any fun colored wires.

I once had to call poison control because I ingested large amounts of liquid lilac air freshener.  Dying with dignity would have been easier than that phone call.  Don’t even ask how I ate it.  That happened in my early days of cooking.

I leave the most incredibly stupid voice mail messages known to man.

I still have a flip-phone.  Flip being the operative word.  It ages me.

It’s Your Turn – Go Ahead, Confess

For reals.  It is your turn.  Don’t leave me hanging.  Start spilling your guts.

 

Comments

  1. says

    I’m sooo behind on your blog, and am just now reading this one. Sooo funny!

    Now for my confession. In 11th grade I was a Science club officer. (I was trying to see how many clubs I could put on my resume….) And as part of the club, we had to choose to particpate in either the county Science Fair or a regional Science bowl. Since I didn’t want to spend weeks on some lame science experiment (I actually detest science…), I chose the Science Bowl–which basically involved taking a test.

    Did I mention that I hated science? Well, I went to take the test but didn’t read ANY of the questions. I bubbled in “ABBACADABBA” through all 200 questions. And since I got finished so quick, I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping. :) And then I found out I won 2nd place. I got a trophy and everything. The next day at school my science teacher was RAVING about how wonderfully I’d done in the Science bowl. I didn’t have the heart to correct her. 10 years later, she and all the kids in my class probably STILL believe I was this genius Science kid! #shame

  2. says

    Confessions? I can do that. Hmm I have a terrible temper sometimes and do silly things like kick a door. Once the door kicked back and I limped for a weekend. I love to lay on the couch and watch TV for a whole day….just every once in a while. Now I’m going to go get some popcorn….

  3. says

    Liquid Lilac Air Freshener!?!?
    As a kid I ate a mouthful of plaster paris mix, I thought it was icing sugar! Then I was scared I was going to die.

  4. says

    Oh, m’gosh, I had no idea that there was another me out there in the world!! I laughed my way through this. Not in a “I’m totally laughing AT you” kinda way, but in a “I’ve done that, too!” kinda way…you know what I mean, right?

    I’ve fallen up a set of stairs at a church before. In heels and a skirt. In front of enough people that the entire county probably knew of my embarrassment by the time we got out of church.

    I feel like a rockstar when I get to run errands by myself and crank my music as loud as I want to. Thankyouverymuch.

    I’m pretty sure I have there’s a skirt-caught-in-my-hose episode (or three) in my past…and I could go on and on, but I think you get the embarrassingly clear picture. :)

  5. says

    I have read this post three times and I am still laughing hysterically. You and I are a lot alike…Let’s see, what can I add to the list?? I used to work in the retail world and I was famous for walking into racks of clothing. The security guys would watch me on camera for fun to see it happen. Sad, but very true story!

  6. says

    Popcorn IS a food group! :-D I eat popcorn at least once a day. I eat it like chips or crackers, with chili or pizza or sandwiches. I cannot get enough of the stuff.

    For my own “confession,” I have a list of every book I have read since April of 1974. Yeah…I’m that old. I’m getting very close to #1300.

  7. says

    Okay, we have a flip phone too. I adore popcorn as well and ate it for lunch with diet coke for years. I like to eat junk food at restaurants when we go out because I always cook healthy at home. My husband says he can read my face like a book too! :)

  8. says

    Yay – I can leave a comment today! Does calling poison control because the dog ate the playdough, count? And, add two years of retainer wearing to your four years of braces and voila`, you have my story. ;)

  9. says

    First let me say, had lilac scented air freshener been your downfall, at least you would have been the sweetest smelling body in the morgue.
    Now on to true confessions…
    My kids swear they’ll be able to identify me in a morgue by the last vestige of red nail polish clinging to my big toe.
    I have the taste buds of a 10 year old boy beginning with Gummie Bears and ending with runny Kraft mac & cheese. I do draw the line at beef jerky just so’s you know I’m not totally throwed off.
    Finally, before I lose the last bit of dignity I have left, as a kid, when I sang inthe bathtub, I sang softly so no one could steal my awesome original aria…still do.
    You are such a kick in the pants girl. Love you to pieces…Reese’s that is!
    Deb

  10. Natasha says

    I have a cooking disaster at least once a month whenever I try out a new recipe. Once I had to dump a whole meal into the trash before husband woke up (that was shortly after we got married and i was mortified for my inability to cook). Would love to hear how you ingested all that air freshener.

  11. Barbara Brown says

    I don’t write a blog, but I read several. I really like yours because I see a lot of the same traits in myself. I thoroughly enjoy reading it each day. Thank you!

  12. says

    WE ARE NOT OLD!!!!! I was 5 in 1979 also. I have fond memories of renting the VCR, which was bigger than a suitcase, and watching movies all weekend long. :)

  13. says

    OMGosh! I am laughing and totally relating to your post and the comments! :)

    My confession today is that I got to work and had a chunk of some kind of food on the shoulder of my work shirt. My co-worker kindly pointed it out to me. I guess I should inspect my work shirts before I wear them a 2nd time. But REALLY how did food get back there?!?!?

    Also, I was obsessed with Madonna in the early 80′s and wore more neon that should be allowed. I remember wearing multiple pairs of neon socks layered with neon jelly shoes and jelly bracelets as far up my arm as I could get them. And let’s not forget the neon green jeans. (I secretly still love neon colors)

    I still laugh at and participate in “potty” humor with my 9 year old son. He thinks it is hilarious and that makes me laugh. ;)

    Thanks for this fun post today. :)

    • says

      Oh, goodness! Not shoulder food? Say it isn’t so. Only one thing worse than shoulder food, and that is shoulder snot. Ya, I hate to say, but it’s true. I’ve had the awful experience of wearing a wad of boogers on my shoulder.
      http://thedomesticfringe.com/spittin-straight/

      You’re in luck, because neon happens to be back in style. I just don’t recommend the multiple pairs of socks this around. But, hey, if neon kankles are you thing, go for it! ;-)

    • says

      Yes, forgiveness is tough, especially tough when you’ve been hanging on to something for a long time. I will say a prayer for you that God will give you a heart of forgiveness towards them. Can I overstep my boundaries and say that forgiving them will help you more than it will help them? Because, it will. Forgiveness is a heavy burden to carry around.

      And I love your blog too. I love your honesty and how well you communicate your emotions. You are full of love and it shines through so beautiful in your dealing with your family (and your pet peacock). ;-)

  14. Nikki in Florida says

    I lived on the beach when I was ten and I spent 2 months of one summer leaving my house before sunrise and staying out on the point til dark pretending I was Robinson Crusoe. I was totally alone all day (loving it) except for the little old lady around the point that brought me a sandwich each day at noon. (I pretended she was an angel). :D

    • says

      lol. Bet your husband loved that!
      Sounds like you need a space heater. Do you guys have those? We have one that’s a blower and one that looks like radiator. They come in handy on those freezing, damp days.

  15. says

    I also had underoos when I was in kindergarten. But mine were R2D2. My mom must have found them onclearance because I didn’t even know what he was. But All the boys wanted me to pull up my shirt to show them. They thought I was cool. – well, as cool as a 5 yr old can be in 1979.

    I think I just told my age……

    • says

      It’s safe to spill your age here. It’s like the old ladies’ club, seeing as I was 4 in 1979.
      R2D2 underoos sound pretty rad, but it would have helped if you had seen the movie. ;-)
      The first movie I saw on a VCR was Return of The Jedi. My uncle bought a VCR and rented us the movie. Ya, we are old ladies.

  16. says

    You are so hilarious! I love these kinds of posts. Here’s mine: I love to pretend I’m on the run from bad guys when I’m driving around for fun, on vacation, or out hiking. I like to “outsmart” them & get away. Yeah, I’m a bit silly.

    • says

      Oh, my goodness. When I was a teenager and my friends got their license, we would drive around pretending people were following us. It was such great fun!
      When I was a kid, I sat (all the way) in the back of our station wagon and pretended to be Wonder Woman. I made a lasso and everything. Anyhow, I watched out that car window for the bad guys.

  17. Micheline says

    Here goes: I fall down at least once a week, yes I’m that clumsy. I also have complete conversations with myself in my head…my facial expressions give me away and people either know what I’m doing or think I’m a little crazy. I keep chocolate in my nightstand, in case of emergencies.

    • says

      My husband does the whole “have a conversation in my head” thing and I see every word written on his face. It’s hysterical!
      I fell off a treadmill in a very crowded gym once. Feel better?
      I’m with you on the chocolate. Totally.

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