The other night FringeMan fed my laptop a glass of diet coke. It didn’t set well with my poor laptop. She immediately slipped into a coma. I called 911 and performed rescue breathing like I’ve seen on Trauma ER. It was touch and go for several hours, but she pulled through.
Thank the good Lord above!
And I mean that with sincerity.
For a few moments while I my laptop swam, I lost my self-composed sweet mind and called FringeMan (on facebook) a computer murder. I overreacted. FringeMan didn’t get a fair trial.
A public apology is due him.
I do hereby, on this tenth day of August 2011, offer my heartfelt apology to one FringeMan. I do hope and pray he accepts my apology, thus restoring him to full marital bliss all the days of his live-long life.
It’s shocking that I once felt such affection for an electronic contraption that today caused me to pull out fistfuls of hair all the while screaming “It’s a bad day. It’s a BAD day. It’s a BAD DAY!!!!”
For a few moments I contemplated tying a brick to my computer and another to my printer and having a double execution.
All I wanted to do was to print labels for my vanilla extract. It should have been simple, but simple went out of style two hundred years ago.
First I couldn’t get the picture sized to the label. Then the labels printed out mostly green and black. I’m not selling extract that burns holes in your stomach and turns your limbs gangrene. I want happy labels. My vanilla does the happy dance on your taste buds, fills your cupcakes with organic vanilla love, and makes your frosting sing like a songbird.
When I finally (I cannot stress the word F.I.N.A.L.L.Y enough) got the labels printed, I put them on a bottle and wouldn’t you know, they disappeared. Clear labels! How on earth did I buy clear labels? They completely fade away on amber bottles.
I had a cow.
FringeMan, my beloved once upon a time computer murderer, saved the day. He ran out and bought me white labels.
Have I told how much I love that man?
Because I do.
Buying me labels is a million times better than buying me flowers. Truth.
So if I can ever get my camera to download pictures, I’ll sell you some extract.
The bottles sure are cute!