Tuesday’s Nonsense

On Tuesday I began my day by filling out a form that required both my height and weight, so I pulled up my big-girl panties (different from granny panties by at least 3 yards of fabric) and noted my weight.  My last run-in with a scale wasn’t long ago, so I felt like I was telling the truth; however, by late afternoon guilt started to creep into my head and eat at my heart.  Guilt is never good, especially when associated with weight, so I marched upstairs and stepped onto the scale.  After all, the truth will set you free…it even says that in the Bible.

The surprise of all time came when I realized that I actually overestimated my weight by two pounds.  That is most likely the stupidest thing a woman could do.  At any rate, I owe every ounce of my two pounds of weight loss to my new jump rope.  I read on someone’s blog that 15 minutes of jumping rope burns more calories than 15 minutes of jogging.  Now I can’t remember where I read that information, so if it was on your blog, do remind me in the comments.  Thanks.

Don’t bother making any memory loss comments, because then I will stop liking you.

Not really.  I’ll just forget it was you anyway.

Back to my two dollar and thirty-seven cent jump rope…

Jumping rope is much easier when you are ten.  Remember I told you that.  I can only imagine how much weight I would have lost if I had sprung for the six-dollar and eighty-three cent weighted jump rope.  Then there was the twenty dollar rope…the possibilities are exciting.  Now I just have to get past forty-three jumps without messing up.

Around lunchtime my mother called and asked what I was doing.

“Watching someone get arrested.”  I said nonchalantly.

Although I’m hard on Mrs. Kravitz, I identify with her; however, by the time someone gets to the place of  being handcuffed and a riding downtown in a police car with its bubble lights flashing, you no longer need to hide your snooping.  Throw caution to the wind and gawk.  While you’re at it, stand around with complete strangers and theorize as to the details of his arrest.  It is nearly as much fun as watching a rerun of Matlock.

I didn’t think anything could top the arrest, it was quite drawn out, but I underestimated the power of a Tuesday afternoon.  You see Tuesday is the night we put out the trash in my neighborhood.  I had just returned from the post-office when I spotted the teenage boy across the street piling junk high at the curb.  Sitting casually out in front was the bestest lawn chair ever.

I ran right over.

“You’re not really throwing that chair out are you?”  I asked.

“You mean the ugly one.”  He responded with a scrunched up look on his face.

“Of course the ugly one!  You see I have this disease and it’s called bad taste.  Have you seen my new shoes?”

You get the point.

I got the lawn chair.

Now the big question is where to put it?

In the words of my cousin, “How about the lawn?”


She’s so simple.

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  1. BentoGirl says

    LOL! I call my mom Mrs Kravitz, too… somedays it’s just Gladys. So glad to know I’m not the only one.

  2. robinaltman says

    I really like that chair! My MIL once gave us a cool chair sort of in that style, but with a leather cushion on the bottom and in back. We left it outside on the patio of our rented condo, and the leather cracked, and you could see the cushion stuffing. I wish we had taken better care of it.

  3. says

    I Love your ugly lawn chair! Congrats on the excellent dumpster diving. When I was a student my roomies and I would purposely go out on such missions. One night we even found a delapitated wheelbarrow to haul our things home in! The next day we used the wheelbarrow again to help a friend move (how embarrasing to have to move with shopping carts and squeaky wheelbarrows) a gentleman stopped us on the sidewalk…it had been his and he just stopped to laugh that we were using it! I have no shame.

  4. says

    How do you cover thirteen topics and make a cohesive blog post? Perhaps we should collaborate on a book!!!

    Love the jump rope idea…Dad did that like four decades ago…long before it was “popular.”

    Blessings on the greatest place for laughter, wisdom, and just plain fun.

    • thedomesticfringe says

      Patti, It must be the gift of gab. A book sounds with you sounds better than perfect. Thanks for always having kind words!

    • thedomesticfringe says

      MissCaron, I look like fool doing any exercise. I think my neighbors are growing accustomed to me. Your chair comment make me laugh.

  5. says

    Jump rope, huh? I’ll have to try it.

    I agree with Jill about the shoes.

    I have always found it interesting that men are more prone to lie about their height and women about their weight. I’d love to weigh what is printed on my driver’s license.

  6. says

    Jumping rope–things jiggling and heaving; or worse, things actually getting caught on the rope every time it went around. Think I’ll try another exercise option.

    I like your shoes better than I like your chair.

    • thedomesticfringe says

      Jill, I’m a little surprised that you like the shoes better. I thought you were one of the vast majority who hated them. That must mean the chair is really bad.

  7. LJ says

    I did a little blog backtracking before responding so- pardon the pickup on conversation.

    I like the shoes.

    Painting banister spindles- Has anyone tried using one of those fuzzy? microfiber towels or a sponge that is longer and not too thick(wear gloves) – have 2 people and wrap the (partially paint soaked)towel once around the banister at the top of the spindle and get (and keep adding) a little paint in it and just ‘buff’ it on? I am just trying to think out of the box- if using a brush is a PIA- then this might be a different kind of PIA.

    Oh and I agree with mottling the floor with different browns. You could do a sponge technique- or even get the kids on the action and have them walk around in different shaded brown footprints.

    • thedomesticfringe says

      Interesting ideas for those banister spindles….maybe that sponging would work on the floor. Thanks for the ideas.

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