You Know You’re a Rookie Mom

You know you’re a rookie mom when…

  • You get sprayed changing your son’s diaper.
  • It takes you twenty-five minutes to install the car seat.
  • You sanitize (boil) everything within a mile of your baby’s crib.
  • You page the pediatrician for the first fever.
  • You call the ambulance, fire department, your neighbor, and page your pediatrician (again!) when your baby rolls off the couch during a diaper change.
  • After said fall, you refuse to be consoled by any of the sixteen people now in your house or the doctor on the telephone, because you are certain your baby has a concussion, a cerebral hemorrhage, and permanent brain damage.
  • You believe everything in Parenting, Today’s Parent, and Baby Talk magazines.
  • You read Miriam Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary to your infant in hopes of building his vocabulary.
  • You schlep around a thirty pound diaper bag with enough clothes, food, and diapers for a month.
  • You fully expect to leave the hospital in your pre-pregnancy jeans 24 hours after birthing your 9 1/2 pound baby.
  • You still remember how if felt to sleep through the night.
  • You think a well-decorated nursery will actually make your infant feel happy and loved.
  • You underestimate the mood enhancing powers of chocolate.
  • You spend your evenings putting up and breaking down the pack-n’-play in order to gain speed.
  • You’ve sworn off a year’s worth of dinners out to buy a jogging stroller.
  • You think you’ll actually jog with your fancy new stroller.
  • Wearing shirts with spit-up  on them make you shudder.
  • You’ve read six books on “How to Potty Train” and truly believe it will be a cinch.

Those are my twenty.  Not that I did any of those things.  Oh, no.  You wouldn’t catch me reading to my baby from Miriam Webster.  I read from the American Heritage Dictionary!

Feel free to add a list of your own  in the comments.  I’m participating in a writing prompt over at Mama’s Losin It.  You can go visit her for your own writing prompt or to do some more reading.
Mama's Losin' It

Comments

  1. TheIdiotSpeaketh says

    Funny List! I need to get down and thank the Good Lord that my kids are older now….. :) Have a great day! I am adding you to my blogroll with pleasure!

  2. says

    So glad you can appreciate that American Heritage has it all over Merriam Webster. Doesn’t everybody know that!

    Fringe Girl, I confess; it was me. I passed the award to Tori. She passed it to you. So sorry!

    Hugs from Haiti,
    Kathy

  3. says

    You shush everyone within a mile radius because the baby is sleeping. On the other hand, you know you’re a pro when you encourage people to keep talking because “my baby sleeps through anything”.

  4. says

    You delight in teaching your baby the same tricks you taught the dog.
    You change your baby’s clothes every hour on the hour.
    You truly believe having a baby won’t change your life…for life.
    You just know your husband will be happy to pitch in and help with diaper changes.
    You resolve never to be caught dead in your maternity pants after the baby arrives.
    You look forward to labor pains and think delivery will be a wonderful natural experience you and your husband can share.
    You know you will never be guilty of saying the same things to your child your mother said to you.
    You will never feed your baby food out of a Gerber’s jar.
    Is this what you had in mind?
    Debbie

  5. says

    I am so laughing. Been there, done that. Not that I’m confessing or anything, but you know you’re a rookie mama when you spend over $300 on the latest, greatest, must-have, brand name baby gadget that you will only use once or twice, if that and that really after your son is six months old no longer needs, and you could have probably found one used for $30 or not got one at all, considering that it wasn’t used.

    I have added a few more “You know your a parent when . . .” to the list on my side bar.

  6. Julie says

    You stare in horror as a mother with 2 or 3 (or more) children pops that pacifier back in her baby’s mouth after a quick wipe against her jeans. No obvious dirt? No worries.

    You email pictures of every day, every smile, every moment to all of your friends and family. And you think that, after a month, they still open said emails.

    You would NEVER, NEVER, EVER feed your child something so processed as a Ritz!

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