You know you’re a rookie mom when…
- You get sprayed changing your son’s diaper.
- It takes you twenty-five minutes to install the car seat.
- You sanitize (boil) everything within a mile of your baby’s crib.
- You page the pediatrician for the first fever.
- You call the ambulance, fire department, your neighbor, and page your pediatrician (again!) when your baby rolls off the couch during a diaper change.
- After said fall, you refuse to be consoled by any of the sixteen people now in your house or the doctor on the telephone, because you are certain your baby has a concussion, a cerebral hemorrhage, and permanent brain damage.
- You believe everything in Parenting, Today’s Parent, and Baby Talk magazines.
- You read Miriam Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary to your infant in hopes of building his vocabulary.
- You schlep around a thirty pound diaper bag with enough clothes, food, and diapers for a month.
- You fully expect to leave the hospital in your pre-pregnancy jeans 24 hours after birthing your 9 1/2 pound baby.
- You still remember how if felt to sleep through the night.
- You think a well-decorated nursery will actually make your infant feel happy and loved.
- You underestimate the mood enhancing powers of chocolate.
- You spend your evenings putting up and breaking down the pack-n’-play in order to gain speed.
- You’ve sworn off a year’s worth of dinners out to buy a jogging stroller.
- You think you’ll actually jog with your fancy new stroller.
- Wearing shirts with spit-up on them make you shudder.
- You’ve read six books on “How to Potty Train” and truly believe it will be a cinch.
Those are my twenty. Not that I did any of those things. Oh, no. You wouldn’t catch me reading to my baby from Miriam Webster. I read from the American Heritage Dictionary!
Feel free to add a list of your own in the comments. I’m participating in a writing prompt over at Mama’s Losin It. You can go visit her for your own writing prompt or to do some more reading.